Effective communication within the family, though challenging, is not impossible. Since families are comprised of multiple viewpoints and personalities, communication styles can sometimes clash, leading to misunderstandings, fights, or worse--torn relationships. Certain communication skills foster acceptance and openness, and help families not only to get along but also to thrive.
Active Listening
You never listen to me! A widespread mantra amongst families, this phrase illustrates one of the main components of communication: listening. Listening is not simply keeping quiet until it's your turn to talk. According to Family and Human Development Specialist Patricia Tanner Nelson, Ed.D., active listening is a communication skill that lets another person know that you are engaged and working to understand his message.
Body Language
Nonverbal messages convey significant meaning. According to an article published by the Harvard Business School, body language--body positions, facial expressions, mannerisms, and gestures--are as important for understanding communication as the words themselves. If a family member's body language articulates anger or judgment, for example, her message of disapproval will be heard to the exclusion of all other messages. However, body language has its limits; according to communications research cited by the Harvard Management Communication Letter, it can be unreliable because people often misinterpret body language.
Paraphrasing
The art of paraphrasing is an important skill for families when talking to each other. When a family member has finished speaking, paraphrase back to him what you heard him say, using neutral language such as "What I am hearing from you is." Paraphrasing helps family members know that they have been heard and understood, says Tanner Nelson, and this in turn promotes further communication.
Positive Communication
Optimal communication is chiefly positive, according to Rick Peterson, Assistant Professor in the Department of Human Development at Virginia Tech, and the ability to remain positive, even during potentially negative situations such as addressing discord or aggression within the family, is a key skill. Defensiveness, criticism, and contempt represent negative communication patterns and restrict the flow of communication between family members, who, rather than encounter negativity, choose to avoid each other altogether.
Conflict Resolution
Conflict lives in all families. The primary skill necessary to resolve family conflict, according to a report published by the U.S Department of Health and Human Services, is to commit not only to getting what you want, but to finding a compromise or a third way that works for all concerned. This can be achieved when you discover areas of agreement and build on them, take breaks when you're angry or stuck, and create and follow a set of rules for dealing with conflict as a family.
References
- University of Delaware Cooperative Extension: Communication Skills for Your and Your Family
- Harvard Business School: The Truth Behind the Smile and Other Myths
- Virginia Tech Cooperative Extension: Keys to Successful Family Functioning
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Foundations for Strong Families 101
