How to Repair Broken Friendships

Overview

A strong bond between two friends who care about one another can make everything right in the world. Your day will seem brighter because you know you can call your friend and get all of the day's stresses off your chest. She's the protector of your biggest secrets, your hopes and your fears. But what if the friendship has drifted apart and seems irreconcilable due to an argument or a misunderstanding? Even the most troubled friendships can be repaired if you know how to apologize and put effort back into your cherished friendship.

Step 1

Make the first move. Even if it seems unfair because you were the last one to contact your friend and you don't think it should be your turn again, do it. Put all doubts and insecurities out of your mind, and pick up the phone. Tell your friend that you have been thinking about him and are hoping he is doing well. Start with a phone call, rather than immediately asking to meet in person.

Step 2

Apologize, if necessary. If there is tension or an argument at the root of your broken friendship, put it out in the open. According to psychologist and divorce mediator Sam Margulies, there are six steps to a proper and complete apology. First, acknowledge that you are sorry for what you did, and that you are sorry for hurting her feelings. Explain that you are remorseful about the act, that you won't do it again, and make amends by offering to make it up to your friend. Finally, ask for forgiveness.

Step 3

Avoid asking your friend why you have been drifting apart. If you're not sure why you and your friend have drifted apart, do not interrogate her about whether your broken friendship is about her not liking you or if you have offended her in some way. Instead, focus on the positive and continue a new, open communication with her.

Step 4

Drop your expectations. Do not expect that after reconciling, the two of you will become best friends right away. Instead, after talking a few times on the phone, suggest a place to meet for lunch or coffee. Keep your meetings casual and one-on-one until the two of you feel comfortable with the give and take of your new friendship.

Step 5

Listen. Your friend will tell you everything you need to know in his intonations and body language. If he seems distant or turns away from you at first, don't be alarmed. He may still be uncomfortable with forming a new friendship. As time progresses, if he still seems upset or apprehensive, limit contact with him for a few months and try again.