Whether a couple is in the early stages of dating, engaged or has been married for 50 years, effective communication is an important part of a healthy relationship. Failure to communicate can create unnecessary tension, misunderstanding and frustration. It is important to learn how to communicate with your companion to ensure that both parties' needs are being met and are secure and confident with each other and the relationship, regardless of times of conflict.
Actively Listen
A training program from the University of Colorado explains that actively listening is "a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding." Active listening includes the listener's undivided attention toward the speaker, and then, in her own words, repeating what the speaker has just said. In doing so, the listener can use feelings to convey what she understood. For example, say, "I gather that you felt frustrated when..." In turn, the speaker should clarify or confirm the listener's understanding of what happened and also indicate that he understood the listener's "psychological response" to what he said.
Ask Questions
Asking questions can help you get to the root of a problem or misunderstanding more effectively than by being defensive, because you will be able to more fully understand both perspectives. Ask questions that will help you avoid making rash judgments or assumptions. The way you present a question can either make the question more or less effective as well. For example, instead of saying, "What were you thinking?" which sounds accusatory and attacking, ask, "When you did this, what were your intentions?"
Body Language
Much of what we express is conveyed through nonverbal communication or body language. Your eye contact, posture and physical contact with the other person or preoccupation with other distractions all send messages to the receiver. People express and receive nonverbal messages in different ways and with different interpretations, so familiarize yourself with this aspect of your partner. To show genuine concern, put down your book, for example, and sit with your companion, making eye contact with him and letting him know that you are completely attentive to the moment. Or, if you notice that she seems unusually tense but explains that she is "just fine," be sensitive to these unspoken expressions.
Negotiation and Compromise
Relationships should not be based upon one person giving and the other one taking. A healthy relationship is based upon principles of compromise and negotiating, where each partner is equally giving and taking. When faced with conflict, it's all right to have strong convictions about something, explains HelpGuide.org, but remember that your partner's opinions should be just as valued. "You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can," the site says. Therefore, avoid having an "I'm going to win this" attitude, but rather have a "How can we meet in the middle?" approach.
Express Yourself
You may be hesitant to speak up about an issue with your partner because you fear that you may not be articulate enough. Or perhaps you have a tendency to say too much and say things that you do not really mean, or may later regret. In these instances, or in situations where emotions and feelings run exceptionally high, you might consider writing down your feelings and expressing your thoughts in a softer, more lucid stream of conscience. People are more likely to express themselves freely when they use a mode that is comfortable to them. If you or your partner are more poetic, logistic, musical or artistic, you can use any of these methods to thoroughly and genuinely communicate with each other.
It is also important to express yourself in terms of gratitude and love for your partner. Tell him that you appreciate his hard work, or write her a note telling her how much you still care for her. These positive feelings are often left unexpressed and may cause either or both partners to feel that they are being taken for granted.
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