Nearly everyone is affected in one way or another by cancer. The American Cancer Society says that 25 percent of deaths are caused by cancer. This means that one out of four of your friends, family or co-workers could be diagnosed with cancer at some point. Most cancers involve medical treatment such as surgery, radiation, or chemotherapy, or all three. Although each person reacts differently to cancer and each situation is unique, there are general guidelines for supporting someone with cancer.
Emotional Help
Acknowledge that the person has cancer and treat her as normally as possible. It is important that your relationship stay balanced. Express genuine concern and offer to listen if she wants to talk. Sometimes being silent on your part will encourage her to talk about her feelings. Try to be encouraging without being overly optimistic. It's important not to minimize the severity of the situation. Ask how she is feeling. You may also want to express how you are feeling. It might feel appropriate to say, "I don't know exactly what to say or how to help, but I'm here for you."
Practical Help
Cancer patients and their families have extra demands on their time, making additional help appreciated. Taking meals to the family or running errands can help lighten their load. Driving the patient to doctor's appointments can free up other family members to return to work. Helping with household chores like laundry, cleaning, taking care of pets and plants can help normalize things.
When Kathleen Midgett was facing breast cancer alone, she felt overwhelmed. Her family and friends supported her by accompanying her to doctor's appointments and taking careful notes she could refer to later. "One dear friend took me to her home for three days after surgery and offered me the most wonderful, restful care I could have imagined," she says.
What Not To Do
Refrain from saying things like "I know just how you feel." Even if you or someone you know has experienced cancer, each situation is different. Don't put pressure on him to be positive or overly optimistic. He may not feel like it. Certainly don't comment on his appearance in a negative way, such as "I notice you have lost a lot of weight". This makes him feel self-conscious about something he cannot help.
If you are the primary caregiver of a cancer patient, don't make yourself ill by overdoing. Set healthy boundaries and save some time for yourself each day. Remember it's vital to take care of yourself in order to be effective for the patient.
References
- PRWeb: Friends Helping Friends Through Cancer
- National Cancer Institute: What is Cancer?
- American Cancer Society: When Someone You Know Has Cancer
- Kathleen Midgett; breast cancer survivor; Franklin, N.C.
