Choosing between staying home with your children and going to work can be a difficult decision for a mother. Mothers should consider a number of variables in making the decision, weighing the many benefits and drawbacks of each option. Remember that both choices require a great deal of hard work and sacrifice. Each person has her own strengths and weaknesses, so one choice may be suitable for one mother, but not another.
What is Your Purpose?
Ask yourself, what is your main intention in considering going to work. Consider whether your family would be financially stable without the additional income you would be providing, or whether your financial situation necessitates becoming employed. Perhaps you feel bored at home, or you have specialized certification in a field, a college degree or previously had a successful career that you don't want to go by the wayside, but you are torn about leaving your children. In these instances, you may consider searching for a job that offers flexible hours or tasks that can be performed at home. If you are up to the challenge, consider starting your own business.
Fulfilling the Role of Mother
One concern that typically arises in the stay-at-home mom versus working-mom debate is whether the mother feels that she is adequately and equally fulfilling her role. A 2010 Rasmussen poll showed that 64 percent of American adults considered motherhood to be a woman's most important role. Whether you have a career or stay at home, your success in fulfilling your role as mother is accomplished by expressing genuine love for your children, spending quality time with them and building confidence in your relationship with open and honest communication. Every mom, working or not, can strive to improve the quality of the time she spends with her children.
Impact on the Child
A significant portion of a child's emotional development and influence occurs between birth and age 3. The Program for Infant and Toddler Care says that a secure attachment to a parent is "related to the child's development of self-confidence and social competence." A 2007 article in USA Today said that mothers who work are more likely to use an authoritative approach to parenting that relies on reason, encouraging independence in their children that will ultimately be positive. However, in the book "The Widening Gap" by Harvard School of Public Health researcher Jody Heymann, a study of more than 1,600 children showed that "parental absence between 6 and 9 p.m. was particularly harmful. For every hour a parent worked during that interval, a child was 16 percent more likely to score in the bottom quarter of a standardized math test."
The Working Mom and the Two-Parent Family
Difficulties and challenges are likely to happen within a relationship regardless of the wife's employment. A 2010 article in Redbookmag.com explains that researchers from UCLA followed 32 different families in a three-year period, observing activities, chores and relationship dynamics, and noting stress levels. Families included both stay-at-home and working mothers. Whether the mom was employed or not, researchers identified that in most functional families, family members shared and worked toward the same goals; treasured small moments together; the parents were role models to their children; took advantage of personal time and participated in recreational activities together. Families who found time to value and appreciate one another, including spouses, were generally happier.
Social Network
Whether you choose to stay home or work, it is important to establish friendships with others who share similar interests and situations, as these friendships can be an avenue to promote emotional health. Having a healthy social network, whether in the work force or at home, can benefit virtually any mother by providing a sense of identity, value and mutual understanding. Working mothers can find friendships among those with whom they work. Stay-at-home mothers might join a local moms' club or community organization, or choose to volunteer at a child's school or befriend mothers of her child's friends. Nurturing relationships with friends can improve relationships with your own children and partner.
