Self-esteem is how your child perceives himself and self-control refers to his ability to make good decisions and respond appropriately to situations, according to KidsHealth. Children who learn self-control are more likely to understand the difference between right and wrong and are more likely to think for themselves instead of being followers, notes the National Association of School Psychologists. The development of self-esteem and self-control begins when infants begin to develop a sense of self; however, parents can help older children develop self-esteem and self-control.
Step 1
Model a positive self-image for your child. Allow him to see that you think well of yourself and that you have realistic opinions about your abilities. KidsHealth suggests that you avoid speaking negatively about yourself and remember that your child's self-esteem might one day mirror your own.
Step 2
Provide a loving, affectionate and safe home for your child. She will feel good about herself if she feels loved and valued. Offer spontaneous feedback along with affection, and let her know that you are aware of her efforts to do well and be a good person. Create an environment of encouragement, respect and support and one where your child feels safe.
Step 3
Give you child honest praise for effort and for doing a good job. KidsHealth recommends that to increase your child's self-esteem, focus your praise on her effort instead of the outcome. For instance, praise him for trying out for the school play and completing the effort, instead of focusing on her not getting a part in the play.
Step 4
Allow your child to make some of her own decisions. According to the National Association of School Psychologists, children who are not allowed to make decisions for themselves do not learn self-control. Encourage your child to evaluate situations, make decisions or choices and live with the consequences.
Step 5
Respond immediately to your child's negative self-image statements. Children often hold irrational ideas about themselves and need help developing more realistic ideas, according to KidsHealth. An example is a child who generalizes that she is stupid because of one poor grade. Help your child identify the areas in which he does well and discuss how he can improve areas of weakness.
Step 6
Set limits for your child and be consistent. Even though the limits you set are external controls, obeying your limits helps your child to understand and practice self-regulation, according to PBS Kids.
Step 7
Discipline your child using age-appropriate methods. Refrain from yelling, even if your child is having a tantrum, and use a firm voice to identify the infraction and explain the consequences. In this way, you show your child that emotional outbursts are inappropriate responses. Reinforce the message for your child that self-control is important.
Step 8
Teach your child self-control skills, such as counting to 10, stepping away from a frustrating experience, analyzing a situation before responding, and thinking about the long-term consequences of her response.
Step 9
Talk to your child about issues with self-esteem or self-control. Help him figure out why his self-esteem is low or help him examine his behavior to understand why he loses control or makes poor decisions. Encourage your child to think about these issues and continue to engage her in conversation about them.
Step 10
Find professional help for your child if low self-esteem and lack of self-control are causing serious problems in your child's life. Your child may need someone to talk to about his feelings. A mental health professional can help get to the bottom of what is going on with your child and prevent problems that could have long-term effects.
References
- KidsHealth: Developing Your Child's Self-Esteem
- PBS Kids: Setting Limits -- Helping Children Learn Self-Regulation
- DoSomething.org: 11 Facts About Teens and Self-Esteem
- KidsHealth: Developing Your Child's Self-Control
- National Association of School Psychologists: Teaching Young Children Self-Control
Member Comments