Angry Outbursts in Children

Overview

An angry child is cause for concern in many parents. However, it's important to remember that we ourselves feel angry throughout our day, so it's no surprise that a child would feel the same emotion. Anger is nothing to be afraid of or chastised. Instead, encourage your child to express anger in a healthy way and move past it.

Cause

An angry child is not necessarily a "bad" child, but is instead a helpless child. Think of what makes you angry: unfortunate occurrences you cannot control, a personal shortcoming, or simple frustration get our blood pumping. The feelings are the same for children. Psych Page describes children's anger as an "all-purpose red flag" to let adults know something is awry. Embarrassment, loneliness, fear and pain are all expressed through anger in children because the child has not developed a way to deal with extreme emotions.

Identification

Many parents mistake anger for aggression. Aggression may not exist without anger, but it is possible to be angry without being aggressive. Anger is natural; aggressiveness must be corrected. Don't be afraid to let your child express her natural anger. However, make sure she knows that physical violence against another person will not be tolerated.

Discipline

When a child expresses anger, it's understandable that the parent would want to quell it in the fastest way possible, either by physical restraint or blunt punishment ("Go to the corner because I said so"). This type of discipline leaves the child's anger unresolved and teaches the child that it's OK to fight anger with more anger, instead of facing the problem in an adult manner.

Ask your child why she is angry and how the problem can be resolved. Encourage your child to face her anger and overcome it. If possible, ignore any future bad behavior to let the child know you will not respond to it. If the behavior doesn't stop, tell your child that you will take away a toy or put her in time-out if she doesn't behave. Explain why she must behave and how it makes you feel when she doesn't. Follow through on your punishments.

Prevention

Provide your child with an anger outlet. Get him in the habit of kicking a ball or running outside. Just as we need physical outlets for anger, so do children. When your child is angry, make sure he knows not to take it out on someone else. Be aware that children model their behavior after yours. If you or your spouse expresses anger in an unhealthy way, your child will as well. Defuse any angry situation by hugging the child or making the child laugh.

Benefits

Learning to manage anger and frustration at a young age is essential to success later in life. Frustration often gets in the way of what we want. Those of us who can express anger quickly and set it aside tend to build stronger relationships, work more efficiently and lead healthier, happier lives.