Saving the Marriage
Before you go into marriage counseling with your spouse, you both have to answer the following question honestly: Do you want to save your marriage? This can be a complicated question. You may not want the hassle of going through a divorce. You may not want to explain it to your friends. You may not want to lose health benefits. Those are all side issues. Do you still want to be married to this person? If you do, marriage counseling can help you. If you don't, you are just going through the motions.
Counseling Issues
Some of the most common issues counselors see in couples are communication problems, sexual relationship issues, financial trouble, conflicts about child rearing, substance abuse and infertility. In counseling, both sides need to talk about their issues and listen to the other person. In some cases, the counselor may act as a referee if one side is not respecting the other side in the discussion. A good counselor will clarify the issues and offer solutions from time to time.
Listening
The key to a productive counseling session may be the ability to listen to your partner and the counselor without blurting out and getting overly emotional. The session is charged with feelings anyway because you are involved. It may be best to hold those feelings and not say anything until anger passes and you can address the situation rationally.
Time to Stop Counseling
Most marriage counselors will stop a session if it gets heated or violent. If violence happens to be one of the core issues--if one spouse has hit or beaten the other--the marriage can almost never be saved. Many counselors will advise their client to seek protection from the violent spouse and talk to a divorce lawyer.
