Whether you're getting too much or not enough, sex is often a touchy subject in a marriage. Many men are hesitant to broach the topic with their wives for fear of them misinterpreting their comments, suggestions or ideas. Many couples want to improve their sex life, but don't know how to communicate their needs in an open, honest and comfortable manner. Learning how to talk to your wife about sex means you have to understand how she thinks and understand her signals. Regardless of what you want to talk to her about, communication is essential.
Step 1
Find the right time to talk to your wife about your sex life, or lack thereof. For example, don't discuss the topic when either of you are tired from a long day at work, impatient for the kids to stop yelling and go to bed, or when one of you is embroiled in the playoff game or in the middle of that movie she's been waiting for all week. Choose a location where you'll both be comfortable and away from distractions. Try to make at least 30 minutes available for any such discussions, and regularly discuss issues, concerns, worries or even ideas to keep the lines of communication open.
Step 2
Avoid certain comments about sex until you are both contributing to the conversation. For example, you might not want to start your conversation by asking your wife why she lays there like a log while you're trying to make love to her. Think about what you can say that pulls the finger of blame from one partner and instead point it at both of you. She may be exhausted, or upset about something, or maybe you didn't spend as much time warming up to the event as you could have. Never place blame, criticism or annoyance regarding your sex life on only one of you.
Step 3
Talk. Express yourself. Yes, it is often difficult for men to express their feelings and emotions, but some women do too. It's well understood that men and women think differently, and women attach more emotional involvement to actions than men, but that doesn't mean you can't open up. Tell her what you want, or what you're looking for. Women need affection more than sex and respond well to honesty and obvious commitment to relationships. Ask your questions or address your issues by expressing concern for your wife's mood, health and well-being. Connect with her on an emotional level, and you'll more than likely find yourselves engaging in comfortable, pleasant and quite surprising conversations about sex that not only bring you closer together, but may bring about changes that you never expected.
