How to Get a Man to Propose Marriage

Overview

Most women have fantasized since childhood of a traditional proposal where the man she loves romantically asks for her hand in marriage. Aware of the fact that he needs time to make this important decision, you date and you wait. Frustrated, you want to be fair and give him the time he needs, but now you're wondering how much time is appropriate before you move on. If you've been dating Mr. Wonderful for several years and long to be his wife, there are strategies you can use to get him to think settling down with you is the best idea he's ever had.

Step 1

Demonstrate in a variety of ways that you are a great woman... someone he can't be without. Make him feel comfortable, relaxed, secure and loved when he is with you. Guys enjoy being the boyfriend because it provides the benefits of commitment without the obligations and limitations of marriage. Young men may be afraid of marriage, thinking that it is an institution that limits his freedom and makes him emotionally vulnerable to the whims of one woman, which include a non-existent or boring sex life. If you can arrange it, set up dates with happy, newlywed couples so he can see that marriage is not as bad as he imagined it would be.

Step 2

Be patient, but establish realistic and clear boundaries. If a man is not yet mentally or emotionally prepared for the commitment of marriage, he will wait to propose until he is. Though you don't want him thinking you are going to wait forever, you do need to plant the seed of marriage and see if it takes root or not. Some guys are perfectly willing to date a woman they like a lot but don't consider "wife" material, while they continue looking for The One. Take time to reevaluate your relationship if he flatly he tells you he isn't interested in marriage, he makes one excuse after another about moving the relationship forward or if he hasn't mentioned anything about a future with you (referencing marriage and a family of his own) within 12 to 18 months of dating.

Step 3

Bring up the topic of marriage. Author John Molly interviewed 2,500 couples for his book "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others." His research indicates that men will continue to happily date a woman for 5 years or more without proposing because she never brought the subject up, or she dropped hints instead of telling him flatly what she wanted. Men feel that if it ain't broke, don't fix it; and if everything is fine, they see no reason to change the status of the relationship. If you want marriage, bring up the subject and see what he says.

Many men feel they are not ready for the responsibility of a wife because they believe it is their duty to take care of you. For some men this may mean having certain amount of money in the bank, career stability, or purchasing a home to shelter his new bride. For others it may mean the adventure of sleeping with a woman of every race, or spending a decadent week in Rio with his buddies. You won't know these things, however, if you don't ask how he feels about marriage.

Step 4

Don't give your all to anyone but your husband. The best way to get a man to propose marriage is to leave him hungering for more of you. Many women don't use the power of longing to their advantage, and move in, have children and buy big-ticket items with men to whom they are not married. In essence, these ladies provide single men with the benefits of a wife without any of the responsibilities or obligations. Waking up next to you should be held out as a privilege for a husband only. If you want a man to propose, don't let him spend the night all the time or even much at all, and definitely don't move in with him.

For those who understand the value of a strong sexual connection, not giving your all would include having sex. Within the pages of "Finding Mr. Right," author Stephen Arterburn provides a list of 10 relationship mistakes women should avoid. Mistake number 10 is "have sex on the first date, or any date, before the wedding." Though this is certainly not the modern nor popular view, Arterburn emphasizes the fact that abstaining from sex before marriage shows a willingness to "place honor and nobility ahead of selfish pleasures."

Step 5

Use his fears as motivation. Men often propose when they are placed in a situation that forces them to confront the realities of life without you in it. Here are a few examples of how women successfully used fear of loss to get a proposal:

After dating for several years, Eric's girlfriend was planning to move from California to Florida for a new job. "The thought that she would be so far away hurt...I didn't know what I would do without her. I proposed the day before she left."

Jason said he knew his wife was the girl for him and was motivated to propose quickly due to his fear of being a bachelor forever. "I didn't want her to leave me while I jacked around taking my time. I got myself ready to move ahead with life--to have a family and get out of the rat-race of dating, so I proposed. Now when I see my 30-something-year-old friends trying to find a wife, I realize how happy I am that I'm married and not in that mess anymore... the stuff they go through is insane!"