It can be tough having romantic feelings for a friend. Not having those feelings returned is even worse, so much so that some people may never express their feelings for fear of being rejected. This is a problem that affects men and women. It can affect your life and make you unhappy, regardless of whether you're at high school or a grown adult.
Significance
The good news is that you are most likely to find romance through your social circle. According to Michael Rosenfeld, associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, most of the people you date will be your friends or people you meet through them. In these instances, you are already pre-approved since people are more inclined to assume that you have social value if you are friends with someone they know and like. If you are already friends, then you know that you are already socially compatible.
Misconceptions
Many people and men in particular are afraid to show their true feelings for a friend for fear of being judged, according to Robert Glover, author of the guide to confidence "No More Mr Nice Guy." They focus on what might go wrong, how it would feel if they were rejected, how others might laugh at them or how awkward things might be. Instead, they should concentrate on the feelings that drive them, such as how things might work out, and how much happiness they might have if their feelings are returned.
Considerations
Changing friendship to love can be awkward because there is an established social relationship. If there is no mutual attraction, it can be hard to change things since the social dynamic is already established. The first thing that you need to do, regardless if you are a man or a woman, is to get your friend to start seeing you as a sexual creature. Without that, you will always be just a friend.
Attraction
To have someone see you as a romantic partner, you need them to be sexually attracted to you. You can test the waters by asking a friend, or just by asking yourself. However, this may come from out of left field, so you may need to broach the idea by bringing up sex or dating in conversation, or by being romantically linked to another person. Jealousy can be a powerful tool in getting a friend to see you as a potential romantic partner, according to dating coach John Sinn.
Expert Insight
Thanks to romantic comedies and sitcoms, the idea of turning friendship into love seems to be synonymous with painful confessions and awkwardness. While this may happen, the truth is that if you are romantically compatible and there is mutual attraction, turning friendship into romance is actually simple. According to lifestyle coach Alan Roger Currie, your best chance of success is simply to state what's on your mind without making it an enormous drama. Arrange to spend quality time together, build the romance and allow things to happen naturally.
References
- USA Today: Friends No. 1 way to meet that Valentine; haron Jayson
- "No More Mr. Nice Guy"; Dr. Robert A. Glover; 2003
- "Game Acceleration Doctrine"; John Sinn; 2009
- "Mode One"; Alan Roger Currie; 2006
- "Upfront and Straightforward"; Alan Roger Currie; 2009
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