Whether you or a loved one are terminally ill or you've recently lost a loved one, friend or co-worker, grief is a necessary and normal response to tragic news and death. Most people generally experience grief in five stages, according to psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in "On Death and Dying."
Stages of Grief
The Kübler-Ross model refers to the five stages of grief Kübler-Ross described in her book. According to Kübler-Ross, your grief reaction occurs in response to hearing that you or someone else are going to die or someone you love has died. Denial is the first stage, in which you deny that the death or bad news has occurred. The second stage, anger, occurs when you become furious that this has happened to you. In the bargaining stage, you try to make deals with a higher power or God to bring your loved one back or you pray that you'll do anything to avoid death. The fourth stage, depression, sets in when you realize that your attempts at bargaining are futile. In the final stage, acceptance, you come to terms with what will or has occurred, according to Cancer Survivors.
Significance
The stages of grief occur not only in response to a death but also when someone is dying. For example, if you've learned that you are terminally ill, you will progress through the grief stages when you contemplate your own mortality. According to Kübler-Ross, the stages of grief are not concrete and some of the stages can overlap or be missed. You may experience the stages in a different order, or you can go through two or more stages at the same time.
Expert Insight
According to psychologist, Roberta Temes, in her book "Living With an Empty Chair - A Guide Through Grief," the phases of grief do not necessarily have to occur in five stages. Temes describes the grief process in terms of behaviors. These behaviors include numbness, when you function on "auto-pilot" and socially isolate yourself; disorganization, when you feel like everything is falling apart and you experience intense emotions; and re-organization, when you begin to re-enter regular, normal life.
Considerations
If you are going through the grieving process, you don't have to do it alone. There are several national grief organizations that offer information about grief and provide online and in-person support groups. Many religious organizations and hospitals also offer grief support groups. Finally, you might consider asking your physician or health insurance company for a referral to a qualified counselor if you feel like your grief is overwhelming and you would prefer private, one-on-one advice.
Tips
Grief can cause a dramatic disruption in your life for a long period of time. You can feel exhausted by the range of emotions that accompany grief. According to the American Hospice Foundation, you can help yourself through the grief process in several ways. Educate yourself on the grieving process by reading literature from trusted resources. Allow yourself to express your emotions in an effort to avoid painful emotions -- these are necessary for healing. Get social support and take care of your basic needs by getting enough rest and eating healthy meals also assists the grieving process.
References
- "On Death and Dying"; Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD; 1969
- Cancer Survivors: Stages
- "Living With an Empty Chair - A Guide Through Grief"; Roberta Temes, Ph.D; 1984
- American Hospice Foundation: Helping Yourself Through Grief
