Best friends are forever, right? Although platonic friendships do seem tried and true compared to flighty romantic relationships, sometimes life gets in the way. Trust can be broken, new boyfriends can be distracting, interests change and new job opportunities are 300 miles away. But if you miss what you had and your drifting friendship was made to last, you can take some solid steps to start the mending process.
Step 1
Assess the relationship. First, recall what it was that caused the friendship to fizzle. If you have lost touch over the years but presume you still have a lot of common interests, your friendship may be worth salvaging. However, if you have grown in vastly different directions, or if you fight every time you are in contact, you might be better off finding a new friend who complements your life.
Step 2
Assess your intentions. If you're feeling lonely, don't automatically jump to assume that you want your friend back. You may be longing for your old friend, wanting to relive fond memories, rather than wanting a friendship with the person your friend is now. Alternately, you may feel compelled by guilt to fix a relationship even when you secretly would rather let circumstances remain as they are. Also don't let external forces (such as your mother saying, "But you and Sara used to be such good friends!") convolute your true feelings. However, if you truly think that you would still enrich each other's lives, initiate the mending process.
Step 3
Be humble. If you had a falling out with your friend, you need to strip your heart of residual ill feelings before you can approach her. It is difficult to rekindle a friendship if you are still pointing fingers as you hug each other. Even if you didn't have a falling out, you need a lot of humility if you intend to be the first person to say, "I need you in my life."
Step 4
Explore your options. You have a few friendship-rekindling options on the table. What you choose to do depends on the circumstances surrounding you and your former friend. You can do it the old-fashioned way and give him a call or send him an "I Miss You" card. Alternately, you can send him a simple e-mail message.
Try not to overwhelm him right off the bat. A simple message that brings up a shared interest (such as, "I just found out that our favorite band from high school is in town," or, "I saw your sister at the mall and I thought of you") will suffice for starters. If you are nervous about this direct approach, you can ask a third-party mutual friend to bring your name up in conversation. You can also get a group of mutual friends together and invite him to join in the activity.
Step 5
Wait for a response. You can walk halfway to mend a broken friendship, but your friend has to be willing to put in her half of the effort. Be patient and sensitive because she may not initially be in the same place as you. After she has had time to think over your proposition, she may or not be more receptive. If she instantly rejects you, take it in stride and realize that she may have a lot of pent-up emotion that may release in time. Get in touch with her from time to time, and if she continues to turn you down, you can eventually move on knowing that you did everything in your power to mend your friendship.
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