1. Adoption Options
Adoptions happen domestically or internationally. Domestic adoptions occur through the foster care system, an agency, or private adoption. Domestic adoptions are open or closed; however, open adoptions, in which the birth parents and adoptive parents share information, are more common. International adoption programs exist in many countries, including Russia, China, Korea and Ethiopia. Programs vary considerably. Sometimes you can pick the gender; however, the wait is often longer if you're not open to both genders. Sometimes you know the birth family, but usually there isn't birth family information in international adoptions. You can choose to adopt an infant, older child or a child with special needs.
2. Narrow the Adoption Agency List
Identify several agencies that conduct the type of adoption you're pursuing. Network and obtain references from a variety of sources. Go online and join adoption discussion boards. Call the Better Business Bureau and ask about complaints filed against the agencies you've selected. Conduct sit-down interviews with a variety of agencies. Ask for itemized lists of fees. Inquire about staff qualifications and training opportunities. Determine if you meet eligibility to adopt through the agency.
3. The Paper Chase
This part of the process varies depending on the type of adoption you're pursuing. International adoptions require a dossier containing items, such as a home study, medical information, financial statements, police records, fingerprints, birth and marriage certificates, photographs and permission from the U.S. Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services to adopt an orphan internationally. Domestic adoptions require a home study, photos and autobiographical profile, which provide background information about you and your family to the birth parents.
4. Preparing the Nest
If you're adopting internationally, locate an international adoption clinic or a pediatrician with specific experience treating children who've been adopted internationally. These doctors are familiar with medical issues that are common in children who were once institutionalized or experienced early trauma. Learn about bonding and attachment by reading and attending conferences or parent training. Update your will and life insurance policies. Contact your health insurance company to obtain information about adding your child to your current policy. Prepare siblings for the arrival of another family member. Take time to rest and care for yourself because your life is about to change.
5. Don't Expect Love at First Sight
While you're rejoicing the addition of your child to the family, your child is experiencing loss. Your child may grieve for his birth parents or caregivers. For older children, the grief is more intense. Professionals recommend reserving time for bonding. It's often best to limit the number of caregivers during this period. Engage in rich bonding activities, such as rocking, reading, feeding, applying lotion to hands, singing and dancing. Don't take it personally if your child doesn't warm to you instantly. Bonding is a process that takes time. If your child experiences difficulty bonding, contact a therapist. Follow up on all post adoption reports and re-adoption if necessary.
