1. Why Children Whine
Children whine to get what they want. They learn at a young age that whining sounds like fingers on a chalkboard to an adult, and many adults give in quickly just to stop the noise. Whining is also a learned behavior, something they may notice adults doing. It also gives children the attention that they want. While it's negative attention, many children will take that over no attention at all.
2. Whining Under the Age of 5
Whining is common for 2- and 3-year olds. They're still learning how to ask for things, and they're still learning to deal with not getting what they wanted. Whining also increases when children are tired, hungry or overstimulated. Role-play with children under the age of five to teach them how to ask for something without whining and how to deal with a "no" answer. Don't get frustrated with them at this age; they're still learning what whining is and aren't good at impulse control.
3. Whining in School-Age Children
Once children hit the first grade, whining has become a learned activity. They've learned they get what they want when they whine, and you've got a lot of damage to undo. Make your house a "no-whining zone." If your children whine when asking for something, make the answer a no, period. Whining at this age may also be an attention-getting tactic. Try giving your child extra positive attention to see if that helps with the whining. And if nothing else, completely ignore the behavior until it stops.
4. Whining During the Tween Years
Whining during the important 11 to 14 years is frustrating. Again, whining at this age is still a learned activity, one your children may relearn from their friends. They may see their friends getting what they want from whining and decide to adopt that strategy. Let tweens know that whining isn't acceptable, and that they will not get what they want if they whine for it. This is a great age for discussions and compromises. Teach these children how to get what they want with clear discussions rather than whining.
5. Dealing with Whining at Any Age
There are many tactics professionals use to teach children not to whine. You can try ignoring the whining until children speak to you in a more normal voice. You can also let your children know when they start whining, as they may not realize it. Don't give in to whining. It may be hard to do, especially if the whining is in public and people are staring, but giving in only reinforces the behavior. Finally, consider rewarding non-whining behavior. Note when children ask for something without whining and praise them for their grown-up behavior, even if you're not giving them what they've asked for. Praise them when they hear a "no" and they don't whine about the decision, but don't change the decision.
