Verbal messages in family communication are essential to the functioning of all persons in that unit. Loving households rely on the ability to express needs, desires, emotions, questions and critiques to one another. Silence breeds misunderstandings, distancing and selfishness. Keep your family communicating in order to foster better relationships, create joy and impart wisdom among all.
Guidelines
Follow specific guidelines in order to facilitate verbal messaging in the family. Hold discussions in which all family members come together and are allowed to express themselves.Select a calm quiet area where everyone can sit down and the room is arranged so all can see one another. Make sure each individual is heard, from the seniors down to the youngest members who are able to be verbal. Elder Care Online recommends that everyone listen "generously" to each person, meaning that each person is given permission to express everything he or she wants to say and to present their ideas for solving problems. Remember that everyone has valid points to make. Do not allow anyone to interrupt another person. If emotions begin to run high, tones turn nasty or voices are elevated, recommend a cool-down period.
Active Listening
The entire family must practice active listening skills when one person is speaking. The University of Delaware recommends that listeners focus only on what is being said without attempting to formulate a response before the individual has finished talking. Be aware that non-verbal messages also accompany spoken words. While an individual may be imparting information in a passive tone, his or her actions may display anger or hurt. For example, they may say they didn't mind another family member borrowing personal things, but a closed posture could indicate they don't mean what they're saying. Family members must follow up when they believe a speaker isn't confronting true feelings or is holding back. Be encouraging with follow-up, quote speakers' words back to them, and ask questions about what you don't understand or believe to be inaccurate.
Atmosphere
A calm atmosphere must exist for families to communicate effectively. There are times when emotions are too high or particular individuals too stressed to communicate what they are experiencing. Insisting that an individual sit down and discuss a situation when he or she is clearly too upset or confused to converse is a pointless exercise. Wait until the person has had time to relax and assess the situation before you ask for a family discussion about it. The home should be a place where the individual can land softly. Give each member that soft place and wait for them to be ready to talk.
Response
It is important for each member of the family to feel comfortable imparting information and opinions to the rest of the clan. Problems arise when children believe they're simply being patronized, when adults ask them to speak but then do not demonstrate a serious response. Likewise, parents can feel their words fall on "deaf ears." Take a look at how each family member responds to verbal messages from other members. Create a frank discussion in which these reactions are discussed so you can move forward and improve responses in which the information imparted will not be censured or ignored.
