5 Things You Need to Know About Building Self-Esteem

1. Remember What You're Good At

Building self-esteem is largely based on the good feelings you have about your life and your accomplishments. Keeping a journal or running log of things you have done throughout your life that you are proud of is a great way to gain perspective on your accomplishments and the things that make you feel good about your life. If you cannot find any large accomplishments that are worthy of pride, start with something as simple as being born.

2. Examine Negative Beliefs

Many people find that their lack of self-esteem seems to come from a series of negative beliefs or tapes that seem to play over and over in their heads. Thoughts like "I'm not a good person" or "I'm a bad mother because I go to work" play subconsciously in the back of the mind and can prevent positive development of self-esteem. Sit down and write down some of your core beliefs and examine them for accuracy. Determine where those beliefs come from and whether or not they help you to achieve the things in your life that you want to achieve.

3. You "Should" Examine Self-Criticism

If "Should of," "Ought to" and "Have to" define your life, this is a clear indication that you are living your life in black and white terms. Many psychologists believe that shoulds can be extremely detrimental to building a sense of self-esteem. It is important to examine shoulds in the most critical way possible and determine who has determined what you should and shouldn't be doing. Often shoulds come from parental messages or societal messages and have little basis in your subjective reality or value system. Much like beliefs about yourself and the world, shoulds may play in your mind as tapes that sabotage a sense of goodness about yourself and your life's accomplishments.

4. Know the Consequences

Figuring out the consequences low self-esteem has on your life is a good way to motivate yourself to build your self-esteem again. Perhaps you find yourself caught in a dead-end job or unhappy in your relationship, but feel you cannot move on because you couldn't do better. Examine your life and your current situations and decide whether you are staying stuck in situations, relationships or jobs that don't bring you happiness. Make it your business to change those situations or at least realize that you have options.

5. Affirm Yourself

Self-esteem building is best accompanied by concrete actions that foster a sense of accomplishment. Simultaneously, you should reframe negative messages that are no longer working. Write down affirmations on note cards and put them on your mirror so you can see them when you stare at yourself in the morning. Make a habit of saying that affirmation to yourself. Integrate it into your daily mantra so you can feel empowered by the positive words of that affirmation.