Occasional emotional exchanges are common in families and usually nothing to worry about. They can be caused by a variety of reasons and, if they happen just once in a while, are often the result of a bad day, illness, momentary anger or hormonal shifts in the body. However, if emotional outbursts become the norm in your family, seek help from a family counselor to get to the root of the problem.
Blame
Communication becomes emotional when people in the family blame each other for their challenges or mistakes. No one likes to feel attacked or accused during a discussion -- even if he is to blame. Stick to how you feel in a discussion to keep a lid on negative emotions. For instance say, "It's hard for me to concentrate when the music is that loud; could you please lower the volume?" instead of "You always listen to loud music so no one in the house can get anything done!" Additionally, avoid global statements such as "you always" or "you never."
Inappropriate Settings
Discuss difficult topics when the family is relaxed and receptive to listening. Some families choose a weekly family meeting to air grievances while others use the family dinner table to discuss difficult topics. People are more likely to be receptive if they are in familiar, safe surroundings, report the family therapists at Portland Family Counseling. Public areas are not a good idea for difficult discussions as they may make people feel self-conscious that they are being watched. If the emotions in the discussion escalate, suggest taking a break and then reconvening in 15 or 20 minutes to begin the discussion again.
Picking the Wrong Battles
Family members will feel criticized if you want to discuss every shortcoming you perceive. Choosing your battles carefully will give more meaning to your words and keep an angry knee-jerk reaction from happening. For instance, if your child refuses to clean up her room, simply relate the consequence to that action, such as no friends over because the room is too messy, but leave the discussion there. The child will either comply or won't be able to have friends over. Constant criticizing will escalate the exchange and won't get the room cleaned any sooner. However, some issues may require a more formal discussion such as evidence of drug use, stealing, cheating in school or sexual activity. Model moderate behavior yourself and choose a time and place for the discussion that will minimize the emotion.
Other Causes
Emotional exchanges aren't always bad. They can give you insight into what your family members are passionate about. For instance, if you push your child to go to a particular college or your husband to find a different job, an emotional response will give insight to their thoughts. Make sure to listen carefully if someone gets emotional, and keep your own emotions in check.
Additionally, people get more emotional if they are under stress at work or not feeling well, so have compassion for those issues when considering timing for a difficult discussion.
