Friendships take an investment in time, effort and emotion. It can be hurtful when a friendship ends. Sometimes there is no way to repair the rift, but some friendships can be mended if both you and the other party are willing to do so. You will need to use some specific techniques to reduce his defensiveness so you can accept responsibility for your role and share an action plan for rekindling the relationship.
Step 1
Restart communication. Reach out to your former friend with a text message, email or card asking for an opportunity to talk in person or on the phone to try to repair the relationship. Do not start with a phone call because one of you might say something that will drive a bigger wedge if you are not both prepared to talk. Written communication is more neutral and can be used to set up a meeting or phone call.
Step 2
Set up a date and time for your talk if your former friend agrees. Choose a neutral place if you plan to meet in person. Otherwise, set a time to talk on the phone and clarify who will initiate the call.
Step 3
Prepare for your talk by deciding on an action plan. Think about what broken the friendship and what it would take to mend it. Be prepared to take responsibility for your mistakes and to explain how you will make amends to your former friend. You should apologize, but you also need to acknowledge exactly what you are sorry for and how you will fix it.
Step 4
Let your former friend talk first. Ask for her perspective on what is wrong and how she thinks it can be fixed. Don't give your opinion or judge what she is saying. Do reflective listening, which means to repeat what you think she is saying. This will show her that you are really listening and give her a chance to clarify if you misunderstood. The Speak Strong website says it is a good way to dissipate defensiveness and get her into a receptive frame of mind.
Step 5
Tell your former friend how you view the situation. Base what you say on the action plan you created, which you can modify based on what she said. Apologize if appropriate and tell her what you propose to do to fix the situation and rekindle the relationship.
Step 6
Ask for an agreement to try the friendship again. PBS Kids recommends bringing up things you have in common and things that brought you together in the first place. Take things slowly if your friend agrees, building up contact while leaving the old disagreements in the past.
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