Dating a man who has lost his wife can take you on a roller coaster of emotions. It is hard for a widower to get back into the dating scene and even harder for the woman who begins to date the widower. Thoughts that you are not living up to the glories of the deceased wife can make a dating relationship difficult. Dating a widower is not something that just any woman can withstand.
Step 1
Exercise patience with the man you are dating. He may exhibit paranoia because he has been married and has not really come to grips with the fact that dating is okay. He may feel as if he is cheating on his deceased wife. Those feelings may subside, but if they do not, it may not be a good idea to keep dating him. Sometimes widowers jump into the dating scene too soon, before they have gotten all their emotions settled to where they are ready to seek the company of another female.
Step 2
Remember that he has friends and family who are grieving too. His family and friends are used to seeing him with his deceased wife, so seeing him with someone else may be a shock for them. They may resent you and feel that you are trying to make him forget his wife. In time, he will more than likely talk with them to let them know this is not the case. Until then, be patient and kind to his family and friends. They will accept you in their own time; don't push the issue.
Step 3
Be understanding regarding the fact that he has a long past with his former wife. Conversation may tend to revolve around your date's deceased wife, but it's nothing personal. It's hard for anyone to get a deceased loved one out of their thoughts, and memories cannot be pushed aside. He is not trying to run you off or alienate you. Talking about his deceased spouse could be therapeutic for him. Listen to his memories, good and bad, and his thoughts on his wife. This could lead to a wonderful relationship full of trust and stability. This also gives you the chance to help him move on and see your unique qualities.
Step 4
Take frequent breaks. Don't crowd your new date with calls and emails. Let him get used to dating again, and don't expect him to date only you. He is new to this, and it is important for him to date others. He is not ready to settle down, but that doesn't mean he won't be in the future. Healing takes time, and patience on your part will mean more to him than daily calls and jealousy.
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