Many couples, whether because of being same sex or due to infertility issues, are unable to have children on their own. Those couples have the option of finding a surrogate mother to give birth to a child for them. This can done in one of two ways: either by providing the fertilized egg to be implanted into the mother, or by choosing to adopt the child of a mother who is already pregnant. Whatever the case, choosing a surrogate mother is an extremely important decision that should be approached with caution.
Step 1
Decide whether you want a gestational or genetic surrogate mother. Most genetic surrogate mothers have already conceived children on their own and are seeking to give them away through adoption rather than aborting them, although you can sometimes choose what sperm is used for fertilization--this is the best option for would-be adoptive mothers who are barren. Gestational surrogates are selected by a couple to carry both the egg and semen of that couple, and the baby will be genetically related to the couple, not the surrogate.
Step 2
Arrange interviews with a number of potential surrogate mothers. Find as many candidates as possible to choose from. This is most easily done through a surrogate agency, which will let you survey the profiles of various candidates and choose your favorites to interview (see Resources below). You can also find potential surrogate mothers through classified ads--and if you find the one you want, you won't have to pay an agency the thousands of dollars they'll charge.
Step 3
Make sure the potential surrogate is physically and mentally stable. Ask for her medical background, and her family's medical background if you are using her egg. You want the mother to be able to handle the load of being pregnant, and you also want to make sure your child won't inherit undesirable genetic inclinations, such as to various forms of cancer or other diseases.
Step 4
Thoroughly question the mother about her lifestyle. Make sure she won't smoke or drink during the pregnancy. If you have any other dietary requirements, such as eating all-natural food, inform her at this point and make sure she is willing to comply.
Step 5
Spend time with the potential surrogate. Get together for multiple meals and ask her to spend time at your home. It's important that you build an emotional connection with her--the more connected she is to you, the more likely she is to fulfill your wishes as a surrogate.
