1. Is it Nature or Nurture?
This debate has gone on for centuries, with the pendulum swinging from one polarity to the other at various times. But today most believe that psychological and behavioral development is a mixed bag, with both nature and nurture playing a role.
2. The Impact of Early Experience
There is a popular belief that if a child has experienced traumas and betrayals early in life she is doomed to a depressed and ineffective life. But research indicates that this is not necessarily so. Many who are traumatized early grow up to be healthy, happy individuals. Usually, however, this is the result of loving and wise intervention by personal and/or professional influences. If a child has one or two people to whom she can utterly turn in crisis, and who will provide her with the appropriate mix of holding on and letting go, her chances for developing healthy attitudes and coping skills are increased exponentially. And even if childhood issues remain un-addressed until adulthood, many are able to receive appropriate intervention by professionals, resolve these issues and move on to happy, effective living.
3. Protecting Your Child
Most parents of young children today wish to protect them from all possible negative influences. The only problem with that is that if a child is protected completely from any negative impact, he never develops any coping skills that can be used to overcome the problems of adolescence and adulthood. Therefore, rather than avoiding a much needed divorce for the sake of the children, for example, we should probably go ahead with the divorce and use this as an opportunity to model and teach appropriate coping behaviors and attitudes. While we don't want to provide unnecessary challenges for the child to overcome, a healthy mix of honest exposure to reality, loving comfort and wise guidance teaches children that while life isn't always easy, problems can be resolved.
4. Holding On and Letting Go
Another ongoing debate in the early childhood field is between the two poles of permissive and overly-controlling parenting. The old adage, "teach him to fish," works best here. Young children need a healthy balance of holding on and letting go. When he is in the "terribly two's" phase, he needs to be given some choices, so that he begins to take some authority over his life. For example, would he like to wear the yellow or the green shirt? But he doesn't need to be allowed to cause harm to himself or others. Children need to know who to turn to and simultaneously how to trust themselves.
5. What to Do if Something Goes Wrong
If your child has behaviors that are particularly hard to manage, you can do two things: you can consult with a therapist yourself, just to check and be sure you are doing all you can do; or you can take your child to a therapist and/or psychiatrist who will determine if there is some issue that needs professional help.
