As your child ages and begins to test his and your own boundaries, you may find that your old standby of peaceful parenting isn't as effective as it used to be. Giving tough love to a child may seem cruel at times, but it gives your child important lessons in independence, consequences of his actions and respect. Instead of always making things right for your child, it may help him even more to let him see the consequences of his actions.
Step 1
Choose the right time to give tough love to a child. The best times to apply tough love principles are when she is doing things that could land her in serious trouble. Tough love for bickering with a sibling may not be the most effective, but tough love for stealing, drinking, disrespect or sliding grades may be just severe enough for her to change her ways.
Step 2
Apply fitting consequences to his actions. Some things that he may do may not have natural consequences, and you'll need to think of some. With tough love, the consequences should be deep enough to severely disrupt his life and give him time to think about his actions. Consequences like removing the computer from his room, taking away his car keys or even withdrawing social privileges can be steep enough, even if they seem harsh at the time.
Step 3
Allow natural consequences to occur when they may. While you may be tempted to meet with her teacher and explain the missing homework, stay out of it. "Family Matters Parenting Magazine" recommends that you allow her to deal with her own consequences. As a parent, it is your natural instinct to protect your child. But when your child acts in a way to bring negative consequences on herself, you are not to protect her from them. Allow her to see the error of her ways as she watched the cycle the her behavior brings about.
Step 4
Stand your ground when it comes to your positions. Children have a way of manipulating their parents in order to get what they want. Lend a listening ear to hear your child, but don't allow any amount of whining or persuasion change your stance. Bad behavior brings about negative consequences. End of story.
Step 5
Adopt a no tolerance policy in the future. While you may have applied tough love principles for one situation, don't fall back into soft parenting ways with the next situation. Have enough respect for yourself as a parent that you expect your rules and the rules of society to be followed. Any type of major infraction deserves to be punished, and soon your child will realize that you mean business and his behavior has got to change.
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