Teenagers wouldn't be teenagers if they didn't morph into individuals you no longer recognize as the children you raised. According to Dr. Barton Schmitt with Bayside Medical Group in the Bay area, your teen's rebellion is generally the result of him beginning to sever the strings that hold him to you. Establishing independence from parents is a normal, healthy part of growing up. The process usually begins by age 14 and can continue for up to six years.
Step 1
Discuss family rules with your teen at the time you're setting them. Solicit her feelings and comments when you establish what's acceptable and what's not. Let her know that you respect her contributions and her feelings on these issues.
Step 2
Ensure that the consequences of rebelling against rules match the offense. If your teen stays out beyond his curfew without calling, cut the curfew back by the amount of time he is late. The time to establish repercussions is before he rebels, not afterward. This will urge him to think about what he stands to lose before he takes an action.
Step 3
Show your teen you can be a little flexible with rules if she comes to you ahead of time. They should not be so ironclad or rigid that they make your teen feel trapped or angry. If you expect her home for family meals, and she calls to tell you that she's having a good time elsewhere and would like to skip this one time, allow her the freedom to do so if it's an isolated act. Act like her parent, not her warden. The tighter you try to hold on to her, the more she may try to pull away.
Step 4
Hold your tongue over unimportant matters. You might not like his haircut, his new jeans or his political views, but these are all ways of establishing identity, separate and apart from you. Avoid criticizing him for his choices if they're harmless. Chances are, none of these things will be the same in a year's time, so let them run their course without causing friction between you.
Step 5
Give your teen space. Remember that her hormones are blooming and her moods may be a little erratic. Don't attempt to discuss important issues with her when she obviously wants to be left alone. Her tone might be more rebellious than usual, so it won't be productive and can potentially backfire into an argument between you.
Tips and Warnings
- MassGeneral Hospital For Children in Boston, Massachusetts, suggests that all teenagers will succumb to rebellion at one point or another, but if your child's attitude seems severe and over the top, consider having a therapist or counselor intervene. If his behavior is violent or risky enough to have long-reaching consequences, talk with a professional.
