Avoiding arguments with your adolescent can be an ongoing process. You must not only sidestep individual conflicts, but there's also the challenge of teaching him over time that if he wants to try to change your mind, he needs to do it calmly and rationally. This may be a challenge because adolescents experience more extreme mood swings than their parents. He's also at an age where he's trying to exert his independence from you and make his own decisions.
Step 1
Stick to your guns, especially with the big issues. Once you've made a decision, don't waver. If you back down, especially if you do it often, you will teach your teenager that if she argues enough, she can change your mind. There's a reward in it for her if she "wins."
Step 2
Refuse to engage in the contest. If you don't dispute an issue with your teen, he can't argue his side of the debate. If he's in an argumentative mood, it won't be a rational conversation anyway.
Step 3
Leave the room, or even the house, if arguments erupt. Indicate first that you'll talk later when tempers are not as high, and do it quietly and calmly. Teach by example.
Step 4
Listen as much as you talk, if a conflict arises despite your best intentions. You can potentially diffuse an escalating argument if you address your teen's position and urge her to slow down long enough to explain it to you. If she wants permission to date someone you don't approve of, ask her to address your concerns about the boy and tell you why she thinks he'd make a good friend.
Step 5
Give your adolescent a reason for your decision. This can also help diffuse an argument, according to "Psychology Today." He might abandon the overall fight if your position makes sense. If you can get past the current argument, he might be less likely to take up the issue with you again and again, especially if you give the same reason each time.
Tips and Warnings
- Remember that as the parent, you are the mature one in any conflict, so the ultimate responsibility for thwarting arguments with your teen lies with you. If you can hold onto your own temper, hers will eventually fizzle out.
References
- Down To Earth Enterprises; Stop Arguing With Your Teens; Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
- "Psychology Today"; Arguing With Your Adolescent; Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D.; August 2009
- Iowa State University -- University Extension; Managing Conflict With Teens; April 2009 (PDF)
- Iowa State University -- University Extension; Parenting Young Teens; June 2010 (PDF)
- Parenting My Teen; Non-Nonsense Parenting For The Disrespectful Teenager; Norbert Georget; 2009 (PDF)
