1. It Takes a Village to Raise a Child
Successful, shared parenting is a difficult thing to accomplish. The first thing to accept is that each parent will have a different style and approach. The other parent will do things and make decisions that you do not agree with. Before getting upset or fighting about it, remember that there are many different ways to raise a child and their exposure to different experiences and methods enhances their lives and understanding of the world. Children have no problem understanding that the rules are different in different places and with different people.
2. Negotiate Ground Rules and Stick to Them
Sharing custody requires consistency for success, more than anything else. To provide a framework for peace and keeping the child balanced, some basic ground rules for adult behavior are important. Never talk bad about the other parent. No fighting about money in front the child. All new girl or boy friends must meet the other parent before they meet the child. Each parent has a right to know who their child will be spending time with. Be honest with each other about the child's health, accidents, bumps and bruises. Put the best interest of the child first.
3. Bite Your Tongue!
Resist the urge to correct the other parent or advise them what to do, unless asked. Raising a child is an 18-year commitment to be in contact with another adult. Keep the relationship polite, civil and keep your opinions to yourself. It is very hard to resist, but critical to maintaining a peaceful, long-term relationship. Do not comment on the other person's choice of partner unless there is a legitimate risk to the child. Be a model of self-discipline for your child. You will teach them how to manage shared parenting and apply it to their own adult lives.
4. United Front
Most experts agree that the most important key to raising a successful, well-adjusted child is consistency and a united message. Even if you disagree with the details, support the other parent in front the child and reinforce the point independently. No matter what the rule is, as long as it is a united front, the child will accept it and feel safe. This is more important than your own opinions of the right or wrong. Do not undermine the other parent to make yourself look good. It is selfish and you will not appreciate it when the other parent does it to you.
5. Plan Ahead
Stages of childhood are predictable. Take the time and discuss in advance your combined strategy for common issues that happen to all families. Some sample topics include lying, poor performance in school, too much TV, breaking curfew and poor choices in friends. Planning ahead puts the parents in control and reducing the potential causes for heated arguments.
