It's difficult to establish a line between when you should simply ignore a whiny child, and when stricter disciplinary measures become necessary. While it may be best to ignore a periodically whiny child, if the behavior has become habitual, it's time to step in and set some specific limits. Failure to do so can result in your child developing poor social skills, that will later hinder social development, friendship and problem solving skills. Intervene by discovering what is motivating the whiny behavior and responding accordingly.
Step 1
Look for signs your child is overstimulated: Your child will be especially prone to becoming overstimulated if he is tired, in a new situation, anxious or confused. If your child is overwhelmed, he will not be able to take in any further information. Implement a time-out if you suspect he's over stimulated. Remove your child from the situation and give him a chance to be alone -- use one minute for every year of age. Your child will be much less likely to whine once he's completed a time-out.
Step 2
Notice if your child is whining as a means of pushing limits and boundaries; If your child's whining involves questioning parental authority, the whining is manipulative. Preempt this behavior by outlining clear rules and consequences. Act quickly when the whining starts by enforcing rules you have set. Be consistent, as a manipulative child will play on your inconsistency.
Step 3
If the child's whiny behavior has arisen after exposure to new situations or peers, she may develop poor social skills that ultimately contribute to unpopularity. Track your child's negative behaviors on a chart to teach them good habits. Explain to your child that you are helping them to get rid of a bad habit by tracking the behavior. Put a gold star on the chart for every day your child does not engage in the behavior. Allow your child to earn reasonable rewards by accumulating stars over time.
Step 4
If your child is normally compliant and has not been exposed to new influences, the whining may be experimental. Accept that it's normal for children to try on new behaviors to see how effective these behaviors are when negotiating social situations. Observe whether the whining is directed toward peers, and monitor the situation without intervention, allowing your child to experience natural consequences for her behavior. Rejection from her peers will discourage future whining.
References
- The Family Place; Establishing and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries for Children; Brenda S. Metzler
- KidsHealth: Disciplining Your Child
- • "Behavioral Sciences and the Law"; Impulsive Corporal Punishment by Mothers and Antisocial Behavior and Impulsiveness of Children; Murray A. Straus, Ph.D and Vera E. Mouradian, Ph.D; 1998
