"Mommy, I want that truck." As your child speaks, the words come out in a tone guaranteed to irritate and get results. He is whining, a combination of speaking and crying -- the sound comes out as a high-pitched noise. When you know why he is whining and what leads to that behavior, you can figure out how to make it stop.
Why He Whines
Your child whines for several reasons. He may be tired, irritable or feeling sick. He may see something he wants at the store -- that you have already warned him you're not going to buy. If you are out in public, your first instinct is to stop the behavior quickly, so you may give in. Your son learns whining sometimes gets him what he wants, so he repeats the behavior. Because his vocabulary may be limited, whining may be one way to try and get your attention. When he is tired and walks up to you, "asking" for a glass of chocolate milk in that distinctive, teeth-grating whine, he may not know how to tell you he's exhausted and wants to rest.
Distorted Reality
Your child may be focusing on one narrow aspect of life with you rather than on your entire relationship. If his friends are allowed to eat sweets while you insist he eats his vegetables and fruits before he has any, he may focus on this as "You 'never' let me have any candy! Lisa's parents let her have all the sweets she wants!" As he delivers this revelation, it comes out in that high-pitched whining voice as he stomps to his room.
Attention-Getting Behavior
Because your child has to depend on you for everything, he may not understand how to get your attention and ask you for something he wants. If he asks you for a toy, he may first speak in a normal tone. If you are busy have decided he isn't going to get the toy, he begins to focus on getting it. As he does so, repeated requests are delivered in a tone that gets higher and higher. The sound does get your attention, so he does succeed in one of his goals.
Handling the Whine
Talk to your child and tell him, "When you use that high voice that sounds like you're about to cry, that's not a good way of asking for something. From now on, if you use that high, crying voice, you won't get what you want. Instead, if it's something you want or you just want to say something, use a normal "'talking' voice."
Respond Quickly
When your child uses a normal talking voice, respond to his request as quickly as you can. If you can't get him what he wants right away, at least tell him, "Thank you, Johnny. I heard you, so as soon as I finish cutting this meat, I'll get you a glass of water."
Identify Whining Triggers
If your child begins to whine when you're halfway through a grocery shopping trip, figure out if he is tired or hungry. Take a snack -- bits of cereal and a sippy cup of milk or water -- or feed him before you go shopping. If he gets tired, put him down for a nap before your shopping trip.
