The preteen years are a time when children can start building friendships that will last a lifetime. While some children have friends they have known since the early childhood years, the preteen years are a time of strengthening friendships and learning valuable people skills that can help the child to deal appropriately with people throughout life. It is important that parents encourage positive preteen friendships while helping children to work through unhealthy friendships.
Step 1
Teach your child to respect others and to expect respect in return. Part of healthy preteen relationships is showing mutual respect. None of your child's friends should speak harshly, use demeaning language, get physically violent or become demanding. Helping your preteen to understand this can help her know what signs point to a toxic friendship instead of a healthy one.
Step 2
Tell your child that honesty is part of a healthy friendship. Your preteen needs friends who know how to tell the truth. However, since being forgiving is also part of a healthy friendship, you need to help your preteen figure out where to draw the line about lying. A small lie, such as a friend saying an outfit looks nice when it looks bad, may be forgivable. But a big lie, like a friend telling a parent she is going one place when she will be at a different place, is a red flag.
Step 3
Allow your preteen to spend time with his friends under your supervision. The more time your child spends with his friends, the closer they will become; however, your child also should have activities and interests outside of the friend. Additionally, you can keep an eye on how the kids interact, so you can talk to your child about your observations after the get-together is over.
Step 4
Help your child to understand how to be a supportive friend. They can speak openly about anything to one another without fear of being made fun of and without any feelings of jealousy, anger or other negative feelings.
Step 5
Speak frankly to your child if you see signs of an unhealthy friendship, such as bullying, lying and belittling. Your child may be reluctant to give up on any friend, even a toxic friend. If this is the case, work with your child to help her understand that she needs healthy friendships instead of toxic friendships. Don't force your child to give up a friend unless the friend is abusive, as you may push your child away from you.
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