Every parent wants his child to be confident and self assured, but sometimes these traits don't come easily. Some kids are just born more shy or anxious than others. Some little ones charge head first into new situations and some cling to Mommy's leg and refuse to let go. Luckily, courage is a trait that can be practiced and developed over time. With the right encouragement, a timid toddler can blossom into a brave youngster.
Step 1
Let her set the pace. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, advises parents against pushing kids to take risks they don't feel ready for. There's a difference between encouraging your child to try something new and forcing her to proceed even if she's visibly frightened. Being forced to do something and then failing at it or feeling terrified the whole time will only make her reluctant to try new things. On the other hand, if you let her engage in new activities when you know she's ready, she's more likely to have fun and feel successful, which will build confidence and courage.
Step 2
Communicate in a positive way. If your child feels unsure, communicate to him that you understand how he feels and that he is safe, and try to be as reassuring as you can. Never tease him or call him a chicken. According to Christina Frank from Parenting Magazine, this will only humiliate your child more. Shower him with praise when he achieves a goal, or set up a reward system.
Step 3
Stay calm. Seeing anxiety on your face will only make your child feel more nervous, so, according to Markham, it's important to stay calm yourself when your child is uncomfortable. Don't rush in panicked to save him if he isn't really in danger. This will actually impair his self-esteem, preventing him from overcoming his fears on his own. Frank writes that experiencing moderate amounts of challenge, frustration and stress helps kids learn how to cope with these emotions.
Step 4
Help her to problem solve. Markham recommends talking with your child about her fears and coming up with solutions prior to the activity that she is apprehensive about. For example, if she's nervous about attending a party where she doesn't know anyone, suggest things she can do to get through it, such as ways to strike up a conversation or introduce herself to someone new. Frank recommends teaching calming techniques, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
Step 5
Take baby steps. Expose your child to anxiety-causing situations in small doses and build up to the ultimate goal if you can. For example, if your little one is scared of large groups of kids, invite just a few over to play, then join a group at the park, slowing building up to Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday afternoon. If he is reluctant to try horseback riding, let him approach the horse on the other side of the fence first, then go up to pet or brush the horse, then sit in the saddle without moving. Eventually, his comfort level will improve.
Step 6
Set a good example. This is especially important, Markham writes, when it comes to moral courage, or the ability to stand up for what you believe in even if others disagree. For example, let your child see you admitting when you're wrong and speaking out when you see an injustice. At the same time, try not to lie, cheat or steal --- even if it's a white lie or taking a pen from the doctor's office --- in front of your child. To help your child overcome fears, let him see you try new things, and communicate that even you feel scared sometimes but you keep going anyway. Or tell a story about a time you experienced fear but overcame it. After all, courage does not mean that you have no fear. It means proceeding in the face of fear.
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