Even if your child seems to have a chronic case of the "gimmes," you still have the opportunity to open his eyes to those less fortunate around him. As child development specialist Robyn Silverman, PhD, advises, the value of selfless giving is more easily explained when you point to past examples of your family's caring gestures. Involving the entire family in teachable moments goes a long way toward teaching your child that generosity carries its own rewards.
Step 1
Discuss the vast needs of other people and organizations. On family outings, encourage your child to observe others in public places; point out children or adults who clearly have fewer financial resources than your family enjoys. Give your child examples of ways to view the other person's needs objectively within a specific context without focusing on the absence or presence of trendy items and company logos. For example, ask such questions as, "What do you think that girl might need to be more comfortable in all this snow?"
Step 2
Ask your child for help with choosing items to donate to charity. Involve the whole family so that your child does not feel singled out; empower her by asking for her recommendations of places that might benefit from your donations. Offer suggestions to illustrate the wide range of organizations and businesses in need of hand-me-downs. Encourage her to explain why she would prefer one charity over another and how she envisions the family's items being reused.
Step 3
Use straightforward, nonjudgmental language when you discuss the topic of charitable donations. Respect your child's feelings if he does not want to part with an old toy just because he no longer plays with it. Explain to him that you understand that he is entitled to feel sentimental toward certain belongings. Remind him that some families do not have any money to spend on toys; ask if he is willing to part with something else that could bring happiness to a little boy who does not have any new games or sports equipment.
Step 4
Praise acts of spontaneous generosity. If your daughter gives up some of her spending money to a classmate who left his lunch on the school bus, acknowledge her good with positive attention in front of the entire family. Use concrete, specific language to demonstrate that you are proud of her for putting someone else before herself.
Step 5
Talk to your child about how he feels after giving something away. Acknowledge that parting with belongings is sometimes hard but can be rewarding at the same time. Lighten the mood by asking him if he thinks the kids at the local children's hospital will mind that his stuffed monkey has two different colored eyes. Encourage him to imagine what kinds of puppies at the animal shelter might get to sleep on his old dinosaur bedspread.
Tips and Warnings
- Seek out teachable moments to build your child's awareness of people in need, but do not turn every occasion into a request for a donation. Too much pressure will cause your child to tune out the message altogether.
- Avoid rewarding generous acts with material goods. Do not use charitable giving as a bargaining tool. By telling a child she can only get a new doll if she gives away one of her old ones, she is likely to see the donation as the price she had to pay to get what she really wanted. Children must learn that the reward for generosity should come from within, from the self-satisfaction that comes with helping those who are less fortunate.
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