When your son was a cute, chubby-cheeked toddler, it was easy to talk to him, hold him on your lap and cuddle him. Then he grew into a teenager. Your formerly simple communications are now riddled with forbidden topics and land mines such as grades, girls, drinking and his daily life. He still needs you, even if he doesn't realize it. You have almost completed the important task of raising him, and now it's up to him to finish the job. Effective communication makes it easier for him to turn to you when he encounters problems or has questions that he needs answered.
Step 1
Sit down with your son and let him know your rules on back-talking. Let him know you're going to explain your position only one time, then you won't discuss it anymore. Let your son know you'll walk away if he attempts to debate this issue with you.
Step 2
Set a time of the day when you and your son can discuss your decisions and rules, especially if he believes they are unfair. Let him know your discussion will start and end at specific times, and when that time comes, explain to him why you've made particular decisions that he might not agree with.
Step 3
Discuss the ground rules you expect him to follow. These can include a school night and weekend curfew, the chores he is expected to complete at home and consequences for dropping grades and missed curfews.
Step 4
Allow your son to express himself within limitations. If he comes home with an eyebrow piercing, for example, but he keeps up with his studies and earns good grades, understand that the piercing doesn't symbolize a rejection of everything you have taught him.
Step 5
Permit your son to have good and bad days. On the bad days, your decisions may be more upsetting to him; on good days, he may accept your decisions more easily even if he doesn't like them. As you establish your family's rules, let him know they are there for his benefit, as well as for any other children in your household.
Tips and Warnings
- If your son comes to you, asking about body art or tattoos, for example, discuss his desire with him without getting angry. Ask him why he wants a tattoo or a piercing. As you talk, keep the lines of communication open by not rejecting his reasons and logic.
- It's easy to keep communications open when things are going well for your son. When something goes wrong, however -- he gets a speeding ticket, has an accident in the family car or is arrested for underage drinking -- your ability to communicate with him will be vital.
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