Losing someone close to you is a painful process. If the death stems from a long illness, it is normal for your grieving process to begin before the individual dies. You may experience a wide array of emotions -- anger, sadness, depression and acceptance. Then, just when you think peace is upon you, the roller coaster of emotions begins again. This process often is hard for you to understand, especially as your emotions control your mind. The only thing harder than experiencing this yourself is explaining the process to your child as he asks what death is and why he feels so sad.
Step 1
Ask your child what she believes death means. This step is vital when you have younger children. Every child's understanding of death varies according to age; therefore, you must know what she thinks before pursuing the conversation. If she has a fear of death, qualm these fears. If she correlates death with sleeping, separate the two to prevent her from being afraid of closing her eyes at night.
Step 2
Sit down with your child and have an honest discussion. When your child is older, an open, honest conversation is the only way to cope with dying and grieving. Whether your loved one just died, or is in the process of dying, your child needs honesty mixed with compassion. You can tell him, "The doctors believe grandma may only be with us for one more month. She doesn't look the same right now, but she is still the same grandma that loves you. I will go with you if you want to see her."
Step 3
Answer any questions your child has to the best of your ability. Your child may ask you why grandpa died, and it is important that you do the best you can to answer her question. She may see you crying, and this is OK. Do not try to hide this from your child -- she needs to know that grieving is all right. If she asks why you are crying, tell her the truth. This may prompt her to tell you how she feels, too, something she's been keeping inside. The grieving process is healthy for both adults and children.
Step 4
Keep yourself available at all times. Your child, regardless of age, may become quiet and choose not to talk about the death of his loved one. Do not push him; he will talk to you when he is ready. Make sure you are available at all times. One day, the need to release his feelings will come and you will be the person to whom he turns.
Step 5
Explain to your child that her feelings are normal. Although grieving is a difficult process to go through, let alone understand, reassure your child that it is OK to feel angry. It is OK to feel sad. It is even OK to accept the situation. Some people believe that accepting the death of a loved one means they don't care, and this is not true. It simply means you understand your loved one no longer is suffering, and you're at peace with this. Explain to your child that even after acceptance, she may experience one or more of the other emotions again. HelpGuide.org says the grieving process can last for weeks, months or years.
Tips and Warnings
- Although grieving can last for years, the emotions should become less intense as time goes on. If they do not, seek the help of a counselor. If your child doesn't open up to you after a reasonable period of time and begins to withdraw, find a counselor who may be able to assist him with his feelings.
