Teens are not young children in a nearly grown body. Their cognitive and emotional development is on a higher level than that of a younger child, and the consequences and disciplinary actions you place on them need to be creative so they produce positive results. The most effective consequences are those that impact their growing sociability.
Make Them Effective
Your teen no longer is a small child for whom a time-out or grounding works. Creative consequences have to connect directly to your child's misbehavior. If you gave her a specific, nonnegotiable curfew and she missed it by 30 minutes, the consequence has to relate to her curfew-breaking. Therefore, the consequence should make her realize she has to be in on time if she does not want to get an earlier curfew. Move her curfew back from 10 p.m. to 9 p.m. for two weeks. Her task is to comply. As she does so, return her curfew to its original time, suggests the EmpoweringParents website.
Cut Internet Access
As your teen gets older, her friends become more and more important to her as she begins to identify with her same-age peers. Shape her behavior and compliance with your rules. If she neglects her studies in favor of messaging her friends and her grades suffer, cut the Internet umbilical cord for two weeks. Lack of after-school and weekend access will hurt. She will learn that, in order to keep her Internet privileges, she has to fulfill her responsibilities with homework assignments, writes the ParentingPink website.
Limit Your Social Butterfly
Your teenager has blossomed into a social butterfly -- she loves to meet her girlfriends on Friday nights and go to parties. Limiting her ability to be with, or talk to her friends will make an impact and catch her attention. If she is disrespectful to you in front of a friend, withhold her privilege to go out and be with her friends. When she misses planned get-togethers that some of her friends are going to participate in, this consequence will quickly teach her that lack of contact with those friends makes her miss out on activities she finds important. While she won't be happy, she'll realize she needs to obey you if she wants to interact with her friends, says the ParentingPink website.
Increase Consequences
A graduated series of consequences for increasingly severe infractions can work creatively with your teenager. This type of consequence works when you devise a set of disciplinary steps, ranging from least severe to most severe. The first level would be a simple discussion with your teen, letting her know she's crossed a parental line; the second level is loss of a privilege; the third involves extending the loss of privileges by several weeks or one month; the fourth and most severe level should be reserved for very serious infractions, such as causing someone harm. For this, requiring your teenager to move in with her grandparents for a short time may work, advises the ParentingPink website.
Use a Contract
Think proactively before your teenager begins to test her boundaries. Sit down with her and discuss family rules, her responsibilities and possible consequences for breaking the rules. Write out what you and your daughter have discussed. Have her sign it, then you and your partner should sign the contract. This puts everything in plain sight and she cannot use the excuse that she didn't know about the rules. A second section can include specifics for earning back her privileges. When a rule is broken, follow through and stick to the contract, advises the ParentingPink website.
Disciplinary Choice
Sit down with your daughter and discuss any negative behaviors she is using. Think of two possible consequences for her misbehaviors -- these have to hurt. If she has some input into what her consequences will be, she is more likely to learn from those, even if she is not happy about them, according to the ParentingPink website. Possible consequences can include delaying obtaining her drivers license -- although this is painful for you and your partner, it may be an effective deterrent -- or losing her cellphone entirely.
