Whether you have a toddler or a teenager, proper listening skills are necessary for your child to obey your instructions. Your child naturally tests your boundaries by defying rules and expectations as a normal part of aging and learning. Unfortunately, losing your cool does more harm than help when issuing rules and directions to your child. Rather than defining listening as a matter of control, approach listening as a matter of communication to teach your child to listen by example.
Step 1
Give clear, concise and irrefutable instructions. Issuing abstract instructions or advice is confusing to children without a clear path to accomplishment. Instead, try giving children specific instructions for one chore or assignment at a time, such as unloading the dishwasher or improving a grade in a school subject. Clear expectations have an executable path to success.
Step 2
Offer realistic information so your child knows why you're issuing certain instructions. Rather than simply telling your child to wear his bike helmet, explain how a bike helmet protects him. Instead of yelling that your child has left the lights on, explain that electricity costs money and turning them off conserves power. Avoid issuing blind instructions that may not make sense to a child.
Step 3
Discuss various punishments for not listening, if your child is old enough, or explain discipline to a younger child. When your child doesn't listen, act quickly and consistently. Failing to do so sends a message that it doesn't matter if your child listens or not, because you don't really mean what you say. Always follow up to set a good example of listening and action for your child.
Step 4
Reciprocate the act of listening for your child. If you don't listen to your child, it's unlikely he'll offer you the same courtesy. For a smaller child, listening to his fears, frustrations and small successes helps him feel secure. Older children need a listening ear to feel understood when they're stressed or feeling self-conscious. Look your child in the eye when she speaks to you and listen without judgment.
Step 5
Give your child rewards for proper listening skills. Rewards needn't always be toys or candy; they can be in the form of praise, attention and quality time. By focusing on your child's positive adherence to instructions and improving listening skills, she learns the difference between the response when she doesn't listen when compared to the response she achieves when she listens properly.
