As children develop, it's only natural that they test their boundaries and assert themselves. But for some children, that desire develops into stubborn defiance and a penchant for arguments against authority. Oppositional defiant disorder -- ODD -- is a diagnosis applied to children who are actively uncooperative, who seem to enjoy disagreements and who are often angry and deliberately annoying. A child who is actively oppositional or who has been diagnosed with ODD needs authority figures who pick their battles and focus on the positive.
Step 1
Pick your battles wisely, and be selective about the issues you present to your oppositional child. A naturally defiant and oppositional child is nearly always ready to argue. If your child's behavior is irksome but still acceptable, let it go and save your energy for more pressing matters, such as bullying or disrespect for others.
Step 2
Separate yourself from your child when he's being oppositional. Take a mutual time out so you're less inclined to argue with your child and more apt to discuss issues calmly together. Take five minutes apart and then call your child to talk quietly once you've both calmed down and cooled off. If you feel yourself getting angry, take another breather so you model the cool-headed behavior you'd like your child to exemplify.
Step 3
Focus on the positive behavior your child exhibits. When your child is actively defiant, it's easy to point out her flaws and explain what she's doing wrong. Unfortunately, an oppositional child expects that type of criticism and is ready to argue. Instead, give specific, meaningful comments to let her know you notice her positive behavior more than the negative, such as "Thanks for doing your chores without my asking first. I appreciate it when you're helpful."
Step 4
Set clear expectations for your child's behavior, and do not entertain arguments to the contrary. Oppositional children often seek to wear down parents with a constant barrage of questions, whining and angry comments. The moment you allow your rules and methods to be questioned, your oppositional child seizes on the opportunity to get what he wants. Set the precedent that your rules are iron-clad and your disciplinary tactics are consistent.
Step 5
Schedule an appointment with your pediatrician for a referral to a child psychologist. While many children are actively defiant, a child diagnosed with ODD is especially difficult to handle. ODD is associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in some children, which means some medications, behavioral techniques and psychotherapy are useful in treating the symptoms of both disorders.
