Raising a teenager can come as a shock to any parent, as these once lovable children begin rebelling and become difficult to control. Invoking strict rules will get you nowhere. You must create a partnership between you and your adolescent, which can help keep her on the right path. Implementing rules and curfews remains important, but collaborating with your teen to create these rules can make both of your lives much easier.
Setting a Curfew
Work together with your teen to set a curfew, as long as you know the teen stays safe while away from the home. For example, allow your teen to stay out later on special nights, as this connects you with your teen. Turn the curfew into an agreement between you and your teen, rather than making it a strict rule that you have made yourself. When your teen breaks this agreement, come up with a punishment so your teen learns that everything in life has consequences.
Making Exceptions
In some cases, your teen might end up late for curfew because he spent his time helping a friend return home safely. Although he has broken his agreement with you, provide leniency because he took the time to do the right thing. At the same time, still provide consequences because your teen has violated his verbal agreement with you. Make these consequences lesser, while letting your teen know that he did the right thing, as minor consequences can prevent tardiness from becoming a regular occurrence.
Calmness
Stay calm when enforcing a curfew because teens with a positive relationship with their parents are more likely to accept the rules. Once you get angry, it turns the minor confrontation into a fight, which your teen usually meets with resistance. Speaking calmly about the problem keeps the team dynamic between you and your teen intact and allows you to make your point about the importance of rules without escalating the interaction.
Punishments
Do not flip out over a minor offense. Begin by offering your teen probation for making a mistake, as receiving a second chance sometimes can help. If your teen feels as though you punish her too harshly for a minor offense, she might do something major, just so she deserves the punishment. By leaving punishments open-ended, you can make adjustments based on her behavior, which gives her a reason to act in a more favorable manner.
References
- "Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens"; Laura Kastner, Ph.D., et al.; 2009
- "Staying Connected to Your Teenager: How to Keep Them Talking to You and How to Hear What They're Really Saying"; Michael Riera; 2003
- "Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens"; Maryann Rosenthal; 2006
- "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind"; Michael Bradley; 2002
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