Children respond to family stress with bodily or emotional reactions. Children experience stress over the same things adults do, but they do not have appropriate coping mechanisms to deal with it. Becoming attuned to the signals that your child is experiencing stress can help to divert a meltdown. No matter how vigilant, however, no parent proactively manages all stress at all times, particularly when experiencing her own stress. Parents help children deal with family stress by employing a number of coping mechanisms.
Step 1
Allow the child to vent and validate his feelings. Children manage family stress better if they are allowed to express their feelings in an open, accepting environment. Accept your child's feelings but maintain limits and boundaries at the same time. Say something like, "I understand why you would be angry, but you can't hit your sister. Let's talk about it, OK?"
Step 2
Discuss the stress in a positive way. A child will take cues from her parents on how threatening family change is. If you are discussing divorce, for example, say something like, "It is sad that Mom and Dad will not live together anymore, but we will will be able to focus on giving you the love you need, without being angry at each other anymore."
Step 3
Model appropriate self-care. Allow your children to see you using positive coping mechanisms to deal with the family stress, such as exercising, discussing your feelings openly and doing special things for yourself. Your child will take his cues from you and employ some of these strategies on his own. Spend extra time with him to give him attention and recognize anything positive he does to deal with the stress.
Step 4
Spend some time talking about the stress in a non-direct fashion. Read younger children books about the stress that will help them see how peers handled it, or take a moment when a similar topic is discussed on television to discuss the family's situation and how they dealt with it. These discussions will help your child learn ways to handle stress in a non-threatening manner.
Step 5
Schedule breaks. Plan at least one activity per week where you spend some time with your child that does not involve triggering thoughts about the problem the family is facing. Activities that are helpful include going on a hike, taking a drive, playing a board game, watching a funny movie, playing your child's favorite game or just talking about an unrelated topic and giving her your full attention.
