Your child's progression from preteen to teenager is christened with changes that affect your parent-child relationship. Pressure from teens, changing attitudes in school and emotional issues cause your teen to become less open with his feelings and decisions. These changes have you starting from scratch to build trust in your teen so that he feels comfortable and confident in being open and honest with you during his impressionable and often tumultuous teen years.
Step 1
Give your teen important responsibilities to help foster a relationship of mutual trust and respect. More than just a way to instill a sense of importance, responsibilities such as caring for younger children, running specific errands and helping you complete a task tells your teen that you have faith in her abilities.
Step 2
Allow your teen to make decisions on a daily basis without questioning his reasoning. Start with small decisions, such as choosing an extracurricular activity, and tell your teen that you trust him to make the best choice. As the choices become larger and more important, offer advice and discuss the issue without simply ordering your teen to make a specific choice, which could shatter your trust-based relationship.
Step 3
Offer your teen positive and specific feedback to improve her trust in you and yourself. Telling her that she made a great decision in choosing friends or spending time studying over computer time lets your teen know that you notice when she's being responsible. In turn, she becomes more likely to continue the behavior so that you feel more confident in trusting her with both large and small decisions.
Step 4
Keep the lines of communication open without forcing your teen to talk. Let your teen know you're available and avoid extreme reactions to your teen's thoughts, feelings and experiences. Becoming angry when your teen confesses a wrong choice teaches him that he shouldn't talk to you about certain things. Instead, listen carefully, then work together to brainstorm a solution.
Step 5
Set a good example by teaching your teen that she can trust you to follow through and keep your word. If she tells you something in confidence, keep it confidential unless directed otherwise. Be where you say you'll be and do what you say you'll do or your teen will soon learn that you cannot be trusted, breaking the circle of mutual trust and respect. If you do break a promise, take the time to apologize and make amends for your behavior.
References
- Aspen Education Group; Five Steps to Rebuilding Trust Between Parents and Teens; Meghan Vivo
- Education.com; Trust-Building: Babies to Teens; Children's Hospital, St. Louis
- "Building Bridges with Your Teenagers: Keys to Effective Parenting and Communication"; Alice Lee; 2007
