Children normally develop separation anxiety beginning in the first year of life, but this usually disappears by 3 years of age. Separation anxiety indicates the child has formed a healthy, beneficial attachment to her parents. When a preschooler develops such severe separation anxiety that it interferes with daily activities, her parents need to respond to the issues causing the anxiety.
Characteristics
Children who were clingier and more irritable as babies may be more predisposed to developing severe separation anxiety, states the HealthyPlace website. Toddlers who have experienced frequent separations from caregivers have the greatest issues with separation anxiety. Young children who have rarely been separated from parents can also develop issues around separation.
When a young child develops separation anxiety, it usually peaks sometime between the first and second birthdays, but some children can experience a fear of separation from one or both parents as they approach their third birthdays.
Life Events
Some factors can contribute to your child exhibiting separation anxiety as you are dropping her off at day care before going to work or leaving her with a baby sitter as you go on a date with your partner. Major changes in your family, such as illness, divorce, the birth of a new baby or a death of a loved one can precipitate her fear as you leave. If you have changed day-care providers or if the daily routine has changed, this can upset her and lead to anxiety. If your preschooler has had a busy or tiring day, her separation anxiety may be more pronounced. Your reactions to your child's separation anxiety can worsen the situation or make it better.
Indicators
If you are worried that your preschooler is developing a more severe level of anxiety disorder, look for these indicators: she is inconsolable when you leave; this persists for more than two weeks; her anxiety at separating from you moves into her school years and gets in the way of educational or social activities; she repeatedly complains of physical symptoms in the morning before leaving for day care; she exhibited no separation anxiety at any time before turning 4; she refuses to go to day care if it means being apart from you.
Mental Disorder
Your doctor may make a diagnosis of separation anxiety disorder if your child suffers from "severe and persistent anxiety" at the thought of being separated from you or your home. The doctor should ask if the anxiety is so bad that it interferes with your child's daily activities. Your child expresses worry or fear that you are going to be hurt when she is apart from you.
If your child is away from you during nighttime hours, she may have nightmares and problems sleeping. Your child persistently worries that she will be permanently separated from you because of an event beyond her control, such as becoming lost. She may refuse to go to sleep, either because she's afraid of having nightmares about being separated from you or out of fear of being alone in her bedroom. Your child may shadow you as you move from the kitchen to the bathrooms to the laundry room -- she is so fearful at the thought of separation that even being in another room of the house is too much for her to handle, writes the HelpGuide website.
Causes
Your preschooler may be feeling and feeding off your fears if you are also anxious about being separated from her. If you are overprotective, she may come to believe there is something out in the world waiting to take you away from her. If you have recently moved or if your child has just transferred from one day care center to another, she could develop separation anxiety disorder. Think about recent events in your family -- if a pet or another loved one has died, she can become stressed. The stress she is feeling can contribute to the development of separation anxiety disorder.
Addressing Severe Separation Anxiety
You can help your child handle her separation anxiety disorder. Educate yourself about what she is experiencing so you can empathize with what she is going through. Don't tell her not to think about her fears and feelings. Instead, talk about it in a way that helps her know you are compassionate, then remind her nothing bad happened during the last separation.
If you already know your child suffers from separation anxiety disorder, anticipate events when she will have difficulty. These include times of transition -- getting together with friends for a play date or going to school. If she separates more easily from your partner than she does you, let your partner drop her off.
Treatment
Treatment combines several types of therapy, such as talk therapy, during which your child can talk about her fears. Family counseling can be used to help your child face her fears as you learn how to help her develop and use coping skills. A skilled therapist can use play therapy to get your child to talk about her fears using different toys. Medication can be used to treat the most severe forms of separation anxiety. This should be used only with another form of therapy.
