Punishment helps children learn from their mistakes in an immediate, concrete fashion. The appropriate punishment teaches your child something he can apply in future situations and is geared toward his age level. Having an arsenal of different punishments at your disposal ensures that you always have something effective you can try.
Babies and Toddlers
Remove babies and toddlers from dangerous situations. Whenever possible, prevent mishaps from occurring by baby-proofing your home and removing sharp or delicate objects altogether. When you baby or toddler is touching something that could be dangerous, take away the object immediately. Say "no" in a calm but louder-than-usual tone of voice to get the child's attention. Place a toddler in a time-out, which involves removing her from the situation and having her sit by herself in a corner. The rule of thumb for time-out is one minute for every year of age, so a 4-year-old needs no more than four minutes for the punishment to be effective.
The Preschool Years
During the preschool years, children become more mobile and agile, which increases their chances of getting into trouble. Keep in mind that you need to allow your preschooler to explore his environment, while at the same time upholding limits and boundaries. Explain to your child why the behavior was inappropriate and what the punishment is. You can say something like, "We don't talk back in this house. You need to go to your room to think about this for awhile." Communicate the rules clearly and often to your child, as he needs to learn limits and boundaries to be safe. Time-outs also work well at this age. A reward system can be set up where the child can earn something he likes if he behaves for a day or some other amount of time you've determined.
Grades One to Three
Children have increased reasoning abilities at this age, so explanations as to why they are being punished can be more detailed. Instead of saying, "You broke a rule," for example, you can say, "Talking back is rude and disrespectful." Taking away cherished items is appropriate at this age, as long as the child knows when she is getting the item back. Have the child apologize if she has hurt someone's feelings so that she can practice appropriate social manners.
Grades Four to Seven
Allow your child to experience natural consequences during these years whenever possible. Children should be allowed, as long as it's not dangerous, to make and learn from their mistakes. An example of a natural consequence would be allowing your child to experience a peer's rejection if he was rude to that child. If your child does not seem to be understanding the connection between his behavior and the natural consequence, or if the natural consequence is ineffective, you can start to use "if/then" statements to help your child make the connection between what he does and what happens. An example would be, "If you talk back, then you will not be allowed to go to the park."
The Teen Years
From about ages 13 to age 19, teens are developing abstract reasoning skills, and they can participate more fully in their own consequences. Try to have the child discipline herself to facilitate adult decision-making skills. You can discuss abstract concepts like trust and responsibility with your teenager. Understand that your teen will probably be inconsistent in her ability to apply what she has learned. Be patient and calmly discuss the choices your child is making and the ramifications of each. Be firm and consistent, while at the same time voicing empathy. You can say, "I understand you are angry with me for not letting you go to the dance. You betrayed my trust when you did not follow through on your chores, and now you'll have to earn it back."
