Your child's behavior reflects on you as a parent, which is why it's especially embarrassing when your child is disrespectful to other people and their belongings. Disrespect is more than a simple lapse in your child's normally good behavior; it's a basic disregard for others' feelings and the consequences of his actions. While some children act out and show disrespect as a method of rebellion, others show disrespect because of behavioral disorders. Define your child's reason for being disrespectful to pinpoint how to better approach the unacceptable behavior.
Anger
Anger is a secondary emotion which causes unpleasant behavior. This means that anger is only present when another emotion is present as well. Fear, misunderstanding, insecurity and sadness all sometimes lead to anger. When your child feels these emotions, he shows disrespect as a way to act out against you or other authority figures, even when he has a typically obedient personality. When your child begins being disrespectful out of the blue, analyze events that may have caused the emotions that lead to anger.
Control
Showing disrespect proves to you that while your child cannot control the things that go on in her life, she can control her reaction and make changes difficult for you as a parent. A new move, changes in the makeup of the family or your general lifestyle may lead your child to feel out of control and even inconsequential in the decision-making process. She then seeks to gain control over the situation by making life unpleasant for you and being disrespectful when asked to participate in changes.
Attention
When a child doesn't receive enough positive feedback and attention, negative attention is often more desirable than no attention at all. A child starving for attention then acts disrespectful toward authority figures because he learns that it earns him attention, even if that attention is in the form of punishment and reprimand. It's a helpful reminder to offer your child plenty of positive attention so he learns that he doesn't need to resort to being disrespectful to get you to respond.
Example
Consider the way you act toward other people and your child. If you tend to be disrespectful to those you meet on a daily basis, your child is simply mimicking the way you act. Whether it's the way you treat your waiter at a restaurant or how you talk to your child, if you do so disrespectfully, your child learns that it's an acceptable way to act. Before you punish your child for being disrespectful, it's important that you analyze your behavior to ensure that you're not providing a model for the unacceptable actions.
References
- Super Nanny; Stop the Backchat!; Victoria Samuel; May 2007
- Parenting Exchange; Back Talk: Responding to Kids' Disrespect; Karen Stephens
- "Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World"; Jill Rigby; 2006
