You have many options when disciplining your teen, including working together with your teen to create solutions. As your teen moves into adulthood, she learns to function in adult society and no longer needs you to tell her what to do all day. Your teen requires realistic punishment and real-world consequences, which provide lessons that last a lifetime.
Corporal Punishment
In past generations, parents used physical punishment to discipline their teens quite regularly. This type of punishment, however, leads to the distortion of memories, due to the anxiety that it creates. Parents base corporal punishment on fear; physical punishment leads to fear in the teen and prevents certain behaviors in the future. Psychologist Michael Bradley, however, believes that corporal punishment eliminates respect between the parent and the teen. This leads to the teen's avoidance of getting caught, rather than avoidance of the behavior.
Creating Consequences
Teach your teen that consequences come with every action. In doing so, ensure that your teen faces consequences for his actions, rather than getting away with another form of punishment. If your child skips school, come up with a consequence that holds similarities to the real world. For example, continually skipping work without a valid reason gets you fired. Since you cannot fire your child from school, take away a privilege that having a job provides. If your child drives, take his vehicle away for a month, as he could not pay his for his insurance without a job.
Realistic Punishments
Discipline your teen by avoiding angry conflict, making punishments and sticking with them. Severe punishments gain an immediate response, but cause difficulty when you enforce them. Once your teen realizes that you never stick to your threats, it becomes easier for her to break your rules. Long-term or banishment-type punishments quickly become too extreme, as both you and the teen forget about reason for the punishment. An immediate, short-term punishment works much better; it provides instant consequences.
Solutions
Solving any problems that arise together with your teen remains an easy way to continue a respectful relationship. If your teen has not done something that you have asked, always ask about an underlying reason for the action. In some cases, your teen might have a perfectly good reason for not following through with a request. After listening to his reasoning, the two of you can come up with a solution together. Working together helps the teen to grow as a person and ensures that you have open lines of communication.
References
- "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind"; Michael Bradley; 2002
- "Parenting Teens With Love And Logic"; Foster Cline, et al.; 2006
- "The Agony and the Agony: Raising Your Teenager without Losing Your Mind"; Betty Londergan; 2008
- "Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens"; Maryann Rosenthal; 2006
