Punishing your teen does not require yelling and screaming, as creating immediate consequences for your teen's actions forces immediate introspection. Work together with your teen to create a more productive home environment; handle all punishment situations with care. Rather than implementing an authoritarian rule in your household, create real world consequences for your teen. Ensure that she experiences these consequences for her actions.
Consequences
Force your teen to face the consequences of his actions. If you show up late to an important meeting, you could lose your job. Managers do not bother threatening you, since someone else can easily take your place. Teens must learn how the real world works, rather than living in a child-like world with punishment. Therefore, as an effective consequence of coming home after curfew, take a privilege away from your teen for a short period. This creates a period of self-examination for the teen, as he thinks about his actions as he misses out that freedom.
Problem Solving
Part of punishing a teen includes coming up with a solution to the problem that caused the misbehavior in the first place. If you have asked your teen to clean her room, but it has not happened, avoid implementing an immediate punishment before finding the underlying cause of the problem. Grounding your teen for such behavior remains easier, but a reason for this lack of cleanliness likely exists. Ask your teen why she has not cleaned her room and carefully consider her answer. Come up with a solution that keeps the room clean in the future, rather than a punishment that ignores the actual problem.
Open-Ended Punishments
Do not make punishments permanent, as this leaves the teen with nothing to lose. If you allow some leeway when making consequences, he might improve his behavior to regain his privilege. Re-evaluate the punishment after some time has passed; if you feel as though he has improved his behavior, reinstate his privileges.
Enforcement
Enforce consequences and punishments all the way through, since this teaches your teen that all actions bring about consequences. Unless the teen does something major, do not introduce harsh consequences, but do take away a reward. If your teen drives, take away her driving privileges for a month if she does not come home at curfew. Following through on these consequences shows her that boundaries exist in life and that negative things happen when you go beyond these boundaries.
References
- "Parenting Teens With Love And Logic"; Foster Cline, et al.; 2006
- "Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens"; Maryann Rosenthal; 2006
- "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind"; Michael Bradley; 2002
