It is not unusual for toddlers to show aggressive behavior around 2 years of age, according to Dr. William Sears. Aggressive behavior can have many causes, like the inability to completely communicate needs and wants, to release built-up anger, show power, control a situation or protect what she believes is hers. Your toddler's aggression might have many causes, though your pregnancy might be triggering her behavior because she is jealous of your unborn baby.
Identify the Trigger
When your toddler acts in an aggressive way toward you or anyone else, you need to identify the trigger or problem so that you can change it as much as possible. According to Heidi Murkoff of What to Expect, a 2- or 3-year-old child will have a rougher transition when a new baby comes. There might be jealousy, defiance and even regression. If she is angry that you are having another baby, you can identify ways to prepare her for having a new sibling.
Teach Appropriate Behavior
A toddler is learning about appropriate behavior and it is up to you and other caregivers to teach him. For example, if your toddler is hitting you, show him another way of using his hands that is more appropriate, like hugging or gently rubbing your pregnant belly. Be sure to explain that hitting is not nice and "hurts mommy." Whenever he is aggressive, explain why the behavior is not appropriate and identify alternate behaviors.
Involve Your Toddler in Pregnancy
If your toddler is aggressive with you because she is worried about having a new brother or sister around, involving her in the preparation for your newborn might ease some negative behavior. Talk about the baby in your belly, such as the baby's size, and encourage her to ask questions. Take her with you to see the doctor so she can hear the heartbeat. Your toddler also can sing and talk to your belly so she can practice being an older sibling. Finally, take her on baby shopping trips with you so she can pick out some baby clothes and supplies.
Focus on Routine
While it is important to talk to your toddler about what a newborn baby is like and what days will be like with a newborn in the house, it is just as important to focus on what won't change. Certain predictable routines help him feel secure and might curb his aggression. For example, read him a bedtime story and kiss his cheeks before bed, and give him a big morning hug. If your small routines stay the same during your pregnancy, he might be less worried that things will change when baby arrives.
