Arguing with your partner can be difficult and stressful in any relationship as arguments can take a toll on both parties, both physically and mentally. Additionally, constant arguing can make for an uncomfortable living situation. Arguments can be the result of petty differences or may be rooted in underlying insecurities, a past problem or emotional baggage. While minimal arguing is normal, persistent arguing is unhealthy in any relationship. Fortunately, there are actions your partner and you can take to help eliminate unnecessary arguments from your relationship.
Step 1
Determine the cause of your arguing. Ask both yourself and your partner questions to identify the root cause of your arguments. Work together to address the real issue rather than just yelling about any tiny little thing that makes the two of you mad.
Step 2
Accept that you cannot always be right. Being right is not what is important. Addressing the cause of your problems is what is important. Admit when you are wrong and always try to see things from your partner's point of view as well as your own.
Step 3
Use an active listening method. Do not judge or add your own opinions while your partner is talking. Simply listen and take everything into account that has been said. Let your partner finish talking, reflect on what was said and try to come to a solution you can both agree on. To hone your skills, practice your listening skills with a friend or other family member. Allow someone to talk -- about any subject -- while you practice listening. Ask your friend or family member to provide constructive feedback, such as if she thought you paid attention, made eye contact or seemed interested in what she had to say.
Step 4
Take a time-out. When you and your partner are about to argue, separate yourselves from one another. Go to separate rooms or take a walk. Simply allow each other time to cool off.
Step 5
Use a journal to keep track of your thoughts. Write in your journal when you are upset or angry. Get your anger out onto paper to avoid taking it out on your partner. Additionally, examining past entries may help you discover a pattern to your arguments; perhaps you always fight on payday, or disagree over family matters.
Tips and Warnings
- Try couple's or marriage counseling if you are unable to reconcile differences on your own.
- Avoid talking to your partner when you are extremely angry. Anger can lead to unwanted and hurtful remarks.
References
- "It's ALL Your Fault"; Alan Robins PhD and Jan Harrell PhD; Nov 4. 2009
- "Breaking the Argument Cycle"; Sharon M. Rivkin; Oct. 2009
