A toddler says "no, no, no" when he tries to assert his authority and independence. While it can be frustrating and sometimes embarrassing, this is a common phase in very young children. Getting angry with the toddler rarely works to stop the tantrums. Calmness, encouragement and praising positive behavior tend to produce better results. You're unlikely to stop the "no" phase entirely. Instead, use a few key techniques to try and lower the amount of times your toddler says "no" back to you over time.
Step 1
Distract a toddler who's saying "no" constantly with a toy or game. This might take his attention for a short period. Use this technique when you're trying to stop a toddler repeating "no, no, no" at that moment. Keep a toy handy in your pocket or bag for emergencies.
Step 2
Make a game out of normal chores and activities to help distract a child from saying "no" all the time. For example, parent educator Patricia Henderson Shimm suggests hiding pajamas in a child's bedroom before bedtime if a toddler regularly refuses to go to bed. Ask your toddler to find the pajamas. When she finds them, ask her to put them on as part of the game and help her get into bed.
Step 3
Pick your battles. Give in to minor issues and let your toddler have his way when the stakes are low. For example, let your child say "no" to wearing a particular jacket or when choosing a story to read. If you say "no" too often, it reduces the power of the word.
Step 4
Use "no" yourself in situations when your toddler is about to do something dangerous or very bad. For example, say a forceful "no" when a toddler is about to touch a sharp object or grab a fragile item.
Step 5
Give your toddler attention for good behavior. Repeating "no, no, no" and having tantrums is often a way to get attention. Through "positive conditioning" you help the toddler realize that good behavior brings happier results than bad behavior.
Step 6
Stay consistent with your house rules. If you enforce some rules and let others slide, your toddler becomes confused, frustrated and knows that he can probably get away with more.
Tips and Warnings
- Remember that a toddler saying no often does not mean you're a bad parent or that you have a bad child. Listen to your toddler. Sometimes she's saying "no" for a reason. For example, a piece of clothing might be too tight so she says "no" to wearing it. Try to understand things from your child's perspective.
- Avoid shouting or hitting your child. Both make the child feel that these behaviors are okay; it may encourage more, not less, aggressive and disobedient tantrums. If no amount of encouragement or techniques stop your child from having long "no, no, no" tantrums, speak to your doctor. The toddler may have a learning disability.
References
- University of Illinois Extension: When All You Hear Is "No!"
- MedlinePlus; Temper Tantrums; May 2011
- BabyCenter; How Do I Get Past My Toddler's Endless "No, No, No's"?; Patricia Henderson Shimm
- Iowa State University Extension; Disciplining Your Preschooler; Lesia Oesterreich
- Virginia Cooperative Extension; Discipline for Young Children - To Prevent Misbehavior; Valya Telep; May 2009
