Learning to properly express emotion is key to achieving happy and lasting relationships and to ensuring personal needs are met. Parents, teachers and other caregivers can greatly benefit children by helping them learn how to properly label and express what they are feeling. This will increase the child's happiness as well as the adult's. Caregivers can minimize misunderstandings and increase personal satisfaction in serving children when adequate communication is achieved.
Safety
All relationships require safety and trust to flourish. Caregivers must establish in the child's mind that the child is loved for who she is. A child will benefit from praise for doing a good job. A child will benefit even more from being told she is loved and accepted on occasions unrelated to any performance metrics. Children are more likely to express their emotions and to receive constructive discipline and feedback when they trust their caregiver.
Labeling
Adults can help children learn to express their feelings by labeling emotions when they occur. A father who is about to go on a business trip, for example, will likely notice expressions of sadness in the facial expression and body language of his child. He might say, "Daddy is leaving on a trip and I can tell you feel sad." Labeling the emotion the child feels at that moment as "sadness" provides the child a framework for future expressions of emotion.
Examples
Children learn as much from what they observe as from what they are told. Parents can express their feelings to their children and allow them to observe how the parent copes with the situation. A mother who gets bad news from work may become very angry. If appropriate, it would benefit the child for the mother to say, "Mommy is very angry right now because she was promised Saturday off but must work now. Let's take a walk together and think about how we can adjust our plans for the weekend." This modeling will help the child learn proper coping strategies. A parent may take a son who is aggravated outside to shoot baskets and thereby help him find a positive outlet for his energy, explaining such as the intent.
Confrontation
Most conflicts are the result of an actual or perceived threat due to the actions of another person. Conflict arises when we believe our values, territory or prestige are threatened. An alert and proactive caregiver may, for example, observe a child is upset because another child has taken a toy she wished to play with. The caregiver may coach the child about how to ask the other child to share and can go along with her when she makes the request of the other child. In so doing, the caregiver teaches the child to confront challenges rather than sulking. He may also model for the child the proper tone of voice and verbiage to use when making the request.
Distinction
It is important for parents and caregivers to make a careful distinction between expression and defiance. It is generally appropriate and helpful to the child and caregiver for the child to properly express her feelings, be they happy or angry. As long as the expression is respectful, it should be allowed. Defiance, however, is a deliberate act which must be dealt with patiently, sternly and decisively. Children should be allowed to "vent" their feelings in an appropriate manner. They must receive discipline, however, when their tone and actions become defiant.
