Few challenges or experiences in life alter a person the way parenting does. Through the process of raising children, we become less selfish and more compassionate. Effective parenting doesn't always come naturally, although these skills can be learned. As you work to improve your parenting, seek out supportive friends and family members who can provide models of good parenting.
Establish Relationships
Nurturing, trusting relationships form the basis for effective parenting. When children feel love and respect from their parents, they are more likely to offer love and respect in return. They obey their parents out of a desire to please them, rather than because they fear them. Effective parents, according to Barbara Coloroso, see their role as supporting and encouraging children's growth, rather than controlling them or making them mind.
Respond to your child's needs quickly from infancy. Use a light touch in discipline so children don't become fearful or resentful. Show your child daily through your actions that you are happy he is in your family and you are interested in his welfare.
Set Boundaries
Make a few simple, fair rules for your family and stick to them. Teach your child from an early age to tell the difference between right and wrong through your own example and through direct conversations. For example, if you want your child to avoid using drugs and alcohol in high school, start the conversation when the child is in early elementary school. Role play with your child the strategies he can use when he gets into difficult situations or is tempted by peers to do something wrong.
Tell your child what you want him to do. For example, "Please put your shoes in the mudroom," is more helpful to a child than "Stop leaving your shoes in the living room." Express pride when your child makes good choices.
Allow Consequences
When children experience the consequences of their behavior, they quickly learn to make better choices. Avoid yelling, threatening or bribing whenever possible and use natural consequences instead to deter poor behavior. For example, if a child consistently sleeps through his alarm in the morning, the natural consequence might be that he misses breakfast or has to get dressed in the car. A child who is chronically late for dinner may find his dinner cold, or even gone.
Sometimes parents can help create the natural consequences, but try to avoid nagging or yelling, which focuses the child's attention on you, rather than on the role he played in the problem, according to Jim Fay and Foster Cline, authors of "Parenting With Love and Logic.
Values
Ask yourself what your family believes in and what you hope to accomplish in life. Distill those beliefs and values down to three or four simple statements, such as "serving others," "building strong family relationships" or "continual learning and education." Discuss your values with the family frequently and refer to those values as you set priorities, plan activities and spend money.
Effective parents have a broad, long-term vision for their family and re-evaluate frequently to make sure their daily habits align with that vision so they can reach their goals.
Time
Effective parents spend time with their children -- time teaching, time working and time spent in wholesome recreational activities. Juggling work and family responsibilities is often difficult, but make a committed effort to spend focused, quality time with children.
Set family traditions for how you'll spend your time. For example, many families spend a few hours on Saturday morning working in the yard or home together. Once the work is done, spend some time on Saturdays playing together. Make a big family breakfast on Sunday mornings or have pizza and movie night every Friday.
Example
When children are given parental examples of integrity, unity and love, they are more likely to develop those characteristics themselves. If children see parents fighting or behaving selfishly, they quarrel with each other.
Effective parents lead transparent lives, meaning they do what they say, and say what they do. Reflect on your own life and eliminate those behaviors you would not want your child to see. All parents make mistakes, however. Be willing to admit your mistakes and apologize to your child.
References
- "Kids are Worth It"; Barbara Coloroso; 2002
- "The Duggars: 20 and Counting!" Jim Bob Duggar and Michelle Duggar; 2008
- "Parenting with Love and Logic"; Foster Cline and Jim Fay; 2006
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