Parents of boys face unique challenges. Boys are under immense pressure to meet gender stereotypes by being tough and behaving aggressively. These behaviors can cause low self-esteem and fear, and they sometimes can lead to criminal behavior and disrespect for women. However, with thoughtful parenting, open communication and a willingness to work outside of gender stereotypes, parents can raise strong, confident and kind boys.
Step 1
Teach your child basic social skills. The textbook "Child Psychology" argues that strong social relationships are linked to confidence, self-esteem and good decision-making. Expose your son to a wide variety of people and encourage him to practice skills such as sharing, honesty and compassion.
Step 2
Encourage your son to empathize with other people. Gender stereotypes teach that empathy is a form of weakness in men, and many boys are raised without the ability to relate to others' feelings. However, psychologist Richard Weissbourd argues that empathy is linked to career success, healthy relationships and positive self-image. Teach empathy by taking advantage of the natural creativity and curiosity of children. Help your son develop puppet shows and art projects that encourage him to think about other people's feelings. When he gets older, encourage him to talk about alternative perspectives on issues and ask him how he thinks other people feel when they argue with him.
Step 3
Protect your son from gender stereotypes. Though gender studies have often focused on the damage stereotypes do to women, psychologist William Pollack argues that they harm boys as well. Stereotypes may prevent boys from pursuing their interests and can make them feel defective if they don't perform stereotypical male roles well. Encourage your son to pursue anything in which he is interested. Boys should be allowed to play with dolls and cooking sets and to play dress up. If your son is uninterested in sports, don't push him into them.
Step 4
Demonstrate strength to your son. Boys raised by confident, kind and strong men emulate the behavior they see. Single mothers should encourage boys to develop positive role models, and fathers should model compassion, kindness and respect for women.
Step 5
Talk to your son about gender roles. It's especially important that your son understand the pressure many men experience to be violent and aggressive. From an early age, talk to your son about the variety of ways to be masculine and make sure he understands that kindness is masculine, too. When your son becomes a teenager, talk to him about issues of date rape, sexual consent and gender equality. Boys whose parents talk to them about these issues are less likely to harm women and are more likely to stand up to pressure from other boys to try drugs, engage in violence and break the law, according to Pollack.
References
- "The Parents We Mean to Be"; Richard Weissbourd; 2009
- "Child Psychology: Development in a Changing Society"; Robin Harwood, et al.; 2008
- "Real Boys"; William Pollack, et al.; 1999
- "Raising Cain"; Dan Kindlon, et al.; 2000
